My eyes fluttered open. The sky was covered in colourful petals from the flower field I was lying down on. Blinking, I sat up, my gaze shifted around the unusual scenery around me. The faint smell of flowers was intoxicating. A strong wind suddenly blew over, fixating my gaze over a figure that's below a giant tree in the field.
A girl, in white. She held something in her hands, a flower crown. Standing on both of my feet, I walked over to investigate.
She has the same features as I do. No, she's me. Entirely.
I stopped my tracks right in front of her. She was still adding flowers to the crown, making the smallest details to it possible so it'll look it's best.
"Are you me?" I blurted out.
The girl in front of me stopped whatever she was working on and turned over. She gave me a smile and replied, "Yes." She turned her head back to the flower crown and started working on it again.
A smile that I have never imagined that would look good on me. 'I' looked so happy here that it's hard to believe this is me all along. It's just such a rare scene to look at my own smile. Just how bright I am. But of course, it never lasted and the smile can never be mine.
The sky grew dark. The flower field spread across me became ashes. The tree right in front of me wilted, leaving its bare barks out, all its leaves and flowerings gone. Rain started to pour. I extended my hand out to feel the rain droplets and only realized it's red. Even the sky has been bleeding itself. I looked over to the girl whom is 'me'. The flower crown she held earlier that was ever so beautiful tainted in blood, there I saw her crying in tears. She cried while wiping her tears again and again, "I haven't even worn you yet, why do you have to prick me so badly?" She was talking about the flower crown that she has yet to put it on.
I just stood there in daze, the blood rain never stopped pouring as 'I' continued weeping. Then I asked 'me' the same question, "Are you still me?" She looked at me, tears still pouring out from her eyes as she nodded. Her fingers and hands were prickled by the roses while she tried to attach them onto the crown.
I asked her another question. "Out of every flower on this field earlier, why do you have to choose one that would hurt you." 'I' sniffed, her tears stopped and so does the rain. The sky however was still dark. At least the rain had stopped, else I'll be drenched in red.
She opened her mouth and close it again, as if her answer was unsure. Her smile was gone since the moment she got pricked. The thorns on the roses never stop growing either, it grew sharper on each stem yet she refused to put it down.
"You know, I imagined myself wearing this flower crown one day. That I look the prettiest in it, I can give everyone my brightest smile ever. I picked this flower because it is beautiful even though it tried to hurt me often. I never give up on trying to remove its pricks, but it just kept growing. "
Her voice, my voice sounded so hoarse as if 'I' was about to cry again. But she held it in.
"Do you think this particular flower is still worth all the pain it caused?" I responded. She looked down at the flower crown she's still holding.
"They were the ones that grew this tree beside me. It even grew the flower field you stepped on. It made spring! The thorns weren't even there in the first place. I just, didn't tend to it properly as I should." Her fingers caressed the petals of the roses that are ruby red. Her smile returned, but it was a sad smile. She then held it close to her.
"You have been tending to it for 24 hours every day, if anything it should not even grow its thorns to you and hurt you so badly. Yes, destroying this flower will destroy the smile and this entire field, even the tree entirely. We will have to wait for another flower to bloom from the tree again and that is another painful process to go through. But it's better than staying in this desert, hoping the flowers will grow another field again." I'm angry and frustrated. I really am, because 'I' never listens.
"It never bloomed so much like this before and I have no idea when will be the next season, if there is even one. You just have no idea how it feels like to be so empty down here. Everyday I woke up to an empty field and a fruitless tree. Not even a single leaf." 'I' cried again, rain started to pour endlessly.
Yes, I will never understand how 'I' felt. I was always busy thinking about priorities and responsibilities that I have no time to think about how 'I' felt. That's how much I can't relate to the 'me' now. I narrowed my eyes, turning my heel away.
I felt another gush of wind. I shut my eyes close, bracing for the impact. I opened my eyes as soon as the force was lifted up. I blinked my eyes in disbelief. The grass was green again. I turned back to the girl, to me. She was smiling happily again as the thorns on the roses are gone.
-
I still come down occasionally from time to time to check out on 'me'. The seasons had changed so often that I'm not sure what was even going on. It was snowing once, the entire field covered in fresh snow. I struggled a bit trying to get to the giant tree where 'I' was.
There 'I' was. The flower crown still in her hands as she fell in deep slumber, its stems already growing till it start to wrap around her hands, arms and legs. 'I' am bleeding. But she paid no mind. Her blood dripping into the fresh snow. I panicked for the first time. I threw myself over, peeling the stems off 'me'.
"Hey, hang in there!", was all I can say to myself. 'I' looked so helpless from bleeding so much.
I do not hurt from these thorns because I'm not 'me', the weaker side of me.
"I'm sorry. I just missed it so much." 'I' spoke to me, her voice weaker than ever. Slowly, she released the flower crown to me and drifted to sleep again. I stared at the piece in front of me for a long time. In anger, I destroyed it as hard as I could. I wasn't sure how much it'll work for 'me'. But there's only that much that I can do. I sighed tirelessly as I can feel a hail incoming and maybe a snowstorm.
-
I came down once again after what happened yesterday. Except I wasn't greeted by the nicest spring or the worst snowstorm. It was the season between autumn and winter. It was raining normally. But 'I' looked devastated. The flower crown in front of her, destroyed entirely. She glanced over to me, a tear fallen from her face.
"Why? Why? Why? Why do you have to destroy it?! I worked so hard on it, you know that. All my efforts, all my time. I have never gotten to wear it at all. So, why!" Her grip on me was desperate and upset. Almost disappointed. I guess it's the end. It will be the end of the drastic season change soon. I answered and told 'me' one last thing before I head back up.
"I can't bare to see you hurt anymore at this rate. The fact the seasons have been changing drastically affects what I think as well. I can't focus on my priorities because of the chaos you're creating here. I need you to stop hurting. You deserve better after all. You have the most beautiful smile I'd seen ever since. A flower will bloom again someday, a flower worth your smile. It will bloom into a spring that you can be happy for." For the first time, I'd embraced 'me' with the longest hug ever. She deserved it. She has worked so hard so long to be accepted by the flower crown she made but it never accepted her.
She deserves to be loved after working so hard.
-
I went to check up on me again. Since then, it has been a white and grey emptiness. The seasons have ended. 'I' was staring at the tree of nothing but empty barks.
"How are you?" I asked 'me'. She glanced over with an expressionless face. "I missed spring.", she replied. Her hands no longer held the flower crown. She just lay down against the trunk, hoping something will grow soon.
Yeah, I missed it as well. I work better when she feels happier. But it is what it is. All good things come to an end.
"So, this is how love is." 'I' spoke and I nodded.
-
I had a rough time from my last break up. We had a lot of arguments and I pictured a lot of things. I pictured how vines with thorns were wrapping up my heart, strangling me ever so slightly. I wanted to draw it, but I also wanted to write it.
This entire story wasn't everything, I just wanted to write how I had been feeling since then.
