W͎h͎y͎ M͎e͎? K͎i͎r͎i͎B͎a͎k͎u͎ O͎n͎e͎ S͎h͎o͎t͎s͎

Six Feet Under

I can't bear it. I refuse to accept the fact that Kirishima's gone. It was so sudden, I never saw it coming. I walked to my couch, missing his warm touch. His smile. The way he laughed, the way he talked. All of it. He gave me life, I am nothing without him. He was my number one.

•••

I fixed my tie and walked to the podium. I wanted to speak at his funeral, but my voice cracked with pain. How was I supposed to find the words? He's left me silent, voiceless, unable to guide me. I looked down at my hands, seeing that I wore my ring. Tears streamed down my face. I didnt even care that everyone was here, seeing me like this. I had the honor of being his one and only. Now no one got that honor. I looked up and saw the people I asked to be here. Many of his friends, some colleagues. I refused to let any press or media or reporters come here.

"Thank you all for coming. It seems like now we need all the support from others we can get. I'm beyond words at this point, just heartbroken in so many ways. The world isnt funny, isnt pretty and isnt sweet and sometimes the kindest people get hurt. That's just the way the world works I guess." I choked up for a moment, my chest in pain. I bet I looked horrendous right now but didnt care. I just had to finish this and then I could go home.

"Eijrio died doing what he loved, saving people. Helping others with a smile on his face. I just know he could have done so much more. Saved so many other lives. He saved my life so many times, looking out for me when I needed him. I know that all of you have fond memories of him. If you were his friend, or his family or even just a coworker, I know that he brought a smile to your face....." His smile. It brightened my day just seeing it. Now it was gone. He was really gone. Gone forever. The burning tears began to fall down my face again and I stepped off the podium. That was enough, I couldnt handle even mentioning his name without breaking down. My one and only love.

•••

It's been six months, it's hard to believe that I'm still around. Deku and Icyhot offered for me to move in with them, but the thought of seeing them together makes me break down. Why couldnt I have what they have? Why couldnt I be happy too? What did they do to deserve that life? I took a year long break from being a hero, which has made me even more popular and bumped me to the number 2 spot, not that I want it. I've done a lot of reflecting, trying to get my life back into shape.

I know I wont be able to love anyone else. I promised I would be his forever, until death we part. I'm still going to be his, even though he's gone. At his funeral, I wore my wedding ring and still wear it today. Just thinking about it makes me cry and want to punch something. Raccoon eyes and Pikachu have wanted to hang out but I refuse because Ei comes up in our conversations every time. No matter how hard we try to avoid it.

I made some tea and sat on the couch again, used to the lifeless feeling in the living room. I saw a painting Kirishima had done and he was so proud of it he hung it on the wall. I sat the cup down and stood up as my eyebrows furrowed. I walked to it, standing a mere two feet away from the picture. Suddenly my body began to lose control and my mind filled with angry thoughts as my blood began to boil. Holding everything I felt for so long inside of me was a bad idea. Everyone came to accept the fact that he was gone, except for me. I angrily yelled and threw a fist at the wall. The consequences were going to make me regret that for possibly the rest of my days. I tore the painting, and heard it crash onto the ground. Paint already proceeded to chip off the canvas. "Why did you have to do this? Wasnt my life supposed to be important too? You should've known you couldnt save everyone" I cried out through sobs, praying to  the gods that he could speak to me.

"Why did you leave?" I pleaded

"When I needed you most"