I stared at the screen of my laptop. I have been online for hours now and I recently saw he just onlined too. It has been two days since I last talked to him, and it's silently breaking my heart. The worst? It's my mistake. I goddamn went too far. Too far and he starts to slip down.
Why? Because of jealousy.
I was jealous.
That meant, I didn't trust him enough. I didn't trust our relationship enough. And look at where it brought me right now.
After a few minutes, he logged out. I just lost another chance. Did I just lose him?
Well, I hope not.
Our highschool senior batch will be having a reunion. We were classmates on our senior years and I already planned on going but I don't know if he's going or not. I don't know. Fear creeps in me. What if he doesn't go? I think it would be better. I can't. I can't deal with him giving me the silent treatment. I can't deal with the fact that he's ok with this and I am not.
But if he goes, that would be better right?I can talk to him personally. I can ask forgiveness. I can fight for us. Right?
But I really think I am annoying him this much already. I think I'm hurting him more than loving him so I distanced myself and it feels like he's ok with it. He doesn't do anything and it's tearing me apart cause I thought, I thought he's strong enough to pull me back. That he loves me more. But he doesn't pull me back. He just allowed me to give him the space and the time I think he needed. Because I'm annoying as fuck. I don't deserve him.
I opened my eyes and dreaded this day since yesterday. Can I not come? But I already gave them my word. If he shows up, then I'm gonna approach him. Of course. But, I'll be annoying him again.
"Ui! Andito ka na." I smiled at Sunshine but I roamed my eyes. He's not here. Yet?
"Tayo pa lang ba?" sabi ko kay Sunshine.
""Oo, pero parating na yung iba. Si Marco? Asan na siya." tanong niya sa akin.
I just shrugged. I don't trust myself enough. My heart's beating so fast I can't properly breath. My former classmates were arriving one by one and all of them kept asking the same questios Sunshine did a while ago. I just simply answered, "hindi pa sure kung pupunta siya." that's all that I have muttered.
"Ok. Tara na!" Sunshine told the group at isa-isa kaming sumakay sa renentang sasakyan. I looked back one last time, then I sighed. He's not coming.
"Ui andyan si Marco! Bilis Marco!!" sigaw ni Sunshine then I frozed. I can do this. I can face him, but instead I immediately took a sit.
To my surprise, he sat beside me. I glanced around, other seats were already taken. If others was not he wouldn't sit beside me. Why? Because I kept on hurting him. I can't hurt him anymore.
We were silent on our way to the beach while the othes kept laughing and reminiscing our younger years. I smiled while listening to them. It was indeed a good memory to keep and to relive once in a while. I really liked this company.
