Nothing Seems as it Starts

Chapter One

The glass is so clean that if it was not for the odd piece of bird poo and the reflective surface, you wouldn't be able to tell that I am looking through a window. I sit watching the world pass me by, tapping my fingers on my thigh in the same pattern, 1,2,3,1,2,3,1,2,3,1,2,3,1,2,3. I can hear the chatter of the other classmates, the occasional giggle as someone else talks about the freak. The freak being me. I can hear the melodious deep voice of my teacher Mr Beynon. He is so passionate about his topics that he inspires my interest in them as well. At the moment we are meant to pay attention to him explain our task for this week, but I am too busy watching the birds fly and wishing I could too. 

"Meghan, Meghan class is over, it is time for you to go to lunch." says Mr Beynon, I look up at him briefly and give him a small smile, he always says that those are the ones he likes because it shows I am staying strong. I place all my things back in my bag and I walk straight to the girls toilets. I gave up eating in the lunch hall along time ago. I have been in this school for two years and nothing has changed. I sit on the sink and eat my lunch. A group of girls walk in and see me, but I keep my head down and quietly drink my water and throw my food away. I only have one bite anyway. The girls laugh and all leave, all that is except one. "Are you alright?" the girls voice asks, I cannot help but think of how it reminds me off a piano, the way she speaks is as if you press the keys lightly but you can sense the power they have if pressed too hard. I don't speak, there is no need for me to, so I nod to say I am fine. The girl looks at me and says "I'm Izzie." I put my hand out to shake hers and she complies and shakes my hand and so I say "my n-name is.... M-Meghan." She gasps and takes her hand away, making her excuses as she leaves. You would think that a reaction like that would hurt, but it doesn't. I am used to them, to be fair hers is the kindest reaction I have gotten in this school. I take my bottle of water and my bag and exit the bathroom, I go to the libary and pass the lady at the desk my latest book as I collect another one. She doesn't bother telling me the date it has to be returned as she knows she will get it either by the end of lunch or the following day. This is my usual routine, I take the same route from the libary to the art and music block. "Afternoon Meghan, shall I try again to get you to join our school band?" Says Mr James. I shake my head saying no and place my bag down by the piano, I stretch my fingers and play a few pieces to warm them up, I then look at him to see if there is anything he would like to hear as he marks his classes papers on music theory. It is clear that he has none and so I start to play, without thought to what keys I am pressing, I just let the music run through my body as my hands know what they wish to do. 

Time moves too quickly when I am playing piano and soon I feel Mr James' hand on my shoulder, which indicates that his class is here waiting to start class. I look up and notice that there are people waiting outside the door and in my fearful state I look at the window, contemplating if I can jump out of it as we are on the ground floor. Mr James notices this and says sternly "go through the class door like a normal person Meghan it isn't hard." as I hear the word normal I cannot but feel my whole body tense, he soon clicks on what has happened and goes to apologise, but he is right I suppose. " You are right aren't you Mr James, I am sorry. I- I will go through the normal door, normally like a normal person. " I am not sure whether it is the shock that I have spoken the most I have ever while in that room or what it was I said but I pulled the door open to hear a gasp from him and then the students before a chorus (not in key either) singing FREAK FREAK MENTAL MEGHAN MENTAL MEGHAN FREAK FREAK! I kept my head down with my hair in front of me and walk to my class, it was art and I knew everyone was watching me, but I tuned them out and began tapping on my leg again

Once class and school was over I sat on the wall waiting for my bus, and was sure to be the first on it, the journey consisted of the same thing. People throwing food at me or whatever they could find. A few months went past like this. 

It has now been three months of the same routine, and my exams for GCSE's are coming up, I already completed, Maths, Science, Music and IT. Unfortunalty unlike my classmates I also had to do extra exams I was dreading my English speaking exam, I had done all the essays and the written exam but I still had to speak, and not just in front of Mr Beynon, but also the class and have it recorded for the exam board. I had P.E first and was getting changed back in my uniform when someone grabbed my wrists and shouted "Look everyone the freak is looking for attention. She has scars on her arms." I don't know who it was that said it but I knew tears were in my eyes as I pulled my arm away from her and hurridly got my clothes on. It is true that I had scars on my arms, but when you have to deal with this amount of torture you cannot help but think you need to lessen the pain, that maybe you would be better if you were numb. Sadly this girl wouldn't leave me alone and grabbed my arm that was still fresh with the cuts and so I cried out and crumbled to my knees. The girl I realised was called Emilly and she seemed to enjoy  the situation we were in as she dug her fingers deeper in my cuts and laughed at me. Some of the girls started to throw objects near me and chanting something, but I'm not sure what as I couldn't focus I just started to cry and scream for help. My P.E teacher Coach Evans heard the noise and came to see what was wrong, as she entered all the girls fled so I was just sitting on the floor cradeling my arm whimpering. She picked me up and took me to her office, a small box room with no windows but lots of posters of the sports she liked and photos of the school teams on her walls. She didn't say a word as she cleaned and wrapped up my arm, she handed me my hoodie and a glass of water and knocked my chin with her fist. Like me she didn't tend to say much but I knew what she was getting at. I went into my english class and already the news of what happened had spread, as it was on peoples phones, a video of the whole situation. So I sat in my seat and watched the world go by as I always did, more than ever wishing I was a bird and could fly away.. Student after student got up and did their exam, there were a lot on Shakespeare and Dickens, even a few on the Brontes. But as my turn came up the head teacher arrived and pulled me out of class, Coach Evans was with him and they spoke about how bullying wasn't tolerated here, that I needed to name those responsible. I wouldn't but then they said that my mother was coming to pick me up as they needed to speak to her. I froze. Not my mother, anyone but her. 

In she came after an hour of my heart nearly going into arrest, my hands were clammy with fear. My breathing got shallower as she approached, my mouth dry. I couldn't speak even if I wanted to. Her hair was down, but not a hair dared to move out of place, her long skirt and jacket clean with not one wrinkle. Her face sharp and her eyes burning. I wasn't sure who the rage was towards, but I feared for that person. She didn't look at me and walked straight into the headteacher's office, I sat there rigid, afraid to move incase she came out for one hour, then she came out and I could see my headteacher tripping over words as he tried to apologise. The girls who caused my school life to be so difficult walked past and said "there is the freak". My mother looked in their direction and as quick as a flash stood infront of them, she stared them down untill they all cowered infront of her and without looking at me said "Meghan! Car! Now!" I quickly stood up and said "yes mam." then I walked to the car soon enough she was next to me and bundled me in the car, everyone was looking at me and I couldn't help the fear that started to eat at me. Mother didn't pay attention and drove off, as soon as we got in she told me to go to my room and study and that I wasn't to come out till school. 

Too soon the night came and with it my demons. I could hear the voices so clearly, the voices of my tormentors but yet they wouldn't go no matter how hard I tried, I meditated, I prayed I begged for them to stop. I could hear mother shouting on the phone, meaning she was talking to dad. I huddled in the corner of my room and tried to block it out, block out their voices. In the shadows on my wall I saw a claw like hand reaching for me , more so to my bandaged arm. I pulled away and pulled myself closer to the corner, tears fell from my eyes and I started to tap the same old pattern on my leg while I scratched at my bandage. The voices wouldn't stop and soon enough I was waking up to me curled in the feotal position on my floor in the corner of my room. Mum had long gone to work and I had no need to clean as I did it all before and we now had someone to come in and clean the house. I got in my clothes for school and rode the bus aware of everyone looking at me and making comments. I just wish the day was over already. One can be hopeful that it could only get better. If only.