America: 50☆Stars (Vol. 2)

Episode 35: Rhinos and Unicorns and Bears, Oh My!

The 1970s—Boston, Massachusetts

"Derp derp derp! We, the Massachusetts Bay Transportation Authority Board of Directors, are proud to stand by our decision to increase the price of advertisements," said the bonehead in front of a room of jerks.

"Derpy derp? I completely forgot. Why did we increase the price of advertisements?" questioned the lamebrain.

"You remember Gay Media Action Advertising?" the schmuck asked.

"Yeah. They're a company of queers who want to increase visibility and acceptance for bisexual gay trans-lesbians. Is that right, donkey?"

The donkey nodded. "Eeee-aaaah!"

"Well, get this," the schmuck snickered. "Those weird queers were planning a public ad campaign featuring a purple rhino."

"A purple rhino?"

"I know. Queers are weird," the nitwit chuckled as he slid the image of a lavender rhino with a red heart across the table. "But to give them some credit, at least it's not offensive. I half-expected their advertisements to feature two naked men making out on the back of a pink unicorn."

"What do you mean by half-expected?"

"I-I mean, I'm not gay, but I acknowledge all queer folk love to show off their gay bodies and do gay stuff on the streets. The nerds representing Gay Media Action are aware that kind of image can offend public eyes, hence they've gone with the purple rhino for their campaign."

"Too bad they can't pay for it," the schmuck chortled. "Those queers think the stunt we've pulled is discrimination. But the truth is we want to make a profit from their ads. Two dollars per ad will only bring in a small profit. By tripling the rate to seven dollars per ad, we'll be making a huge profit!"

"Wait a second." The lamebrain uses his fingers to do elementary math. "Tripling the former ad rate should be six dollars per ad. Why did we increase it to seven dollars?"

"Living in Boston is expensive, okay. Also, colored ink isn't cheap."

"Oh, okay. That makes sense."

"You sound sarcastic."

"I-I mean," the lamebrained stuttered, "what we're doing looks and sounds scummy." 

The bonehead let out a lofty laugh. "There's nothing to fear. Our lawyers defend our decision to be constitutional, so the law is on our side at least. As for our public image, we may look like a bunch of unfair asshats, but all their stupid protests will blow over eventually."

"What about Gay Media Action?"

"Ha! Those gay nerds can whine all they want. But if they want their ads to go up in public, they must turn to us and pay the price we've set. If they don't want to pay, that's fine. We'll still be able to travel around the city without seeing those purple rhino ads. We win either way."

"Eeee-aaah!"

They dissolved into laughter, "Yay! We're assholes!"

CRASH!

An enormous horned beast rushed through the doors of the conference room, destroying both doors and leaving a giant hole in the crumbling wall. The jerks' hysterics were replaced with cowardly screams for their lives. They rushed to the back of the room, their sweaty backs against the white wall with nowhere else to go. Their only exit was through the hole where the brute came from, and it was blocked by the rampage. Their cries for help brought nobody to save them. It did, however, alert the animal in the room. After smashing the table, chairs, and floor to bits, the lavender rhino set their angry eyes on the petrified humans.