Unbroken

Chapter 22

I wanted to run after him. To disappear into the forest with him and start a life together. I wanted to run out to him and never return. I thought of my duty to my kingdom. I was supposed to marry for advantage and benefit my family. I had become exactly what I was running away from. I had allowed myself to become an object. Grant had offered me a way out and I had waved at that opportunity as it raced by. Even though we had only known each other for a short time Grant had made me realize what it meant to be alive. Life with him would be an adventure. Every day would be something new.  My life would have changed in more ways than I could have possibly imagined if I had gone. Instead I chose to stay. He had offered me freedom and I had turned up my nose at the offer. 

I curled myself up into a ball on the stone floor beneath the window. The stones were uncomfortable in my hip and shoulder but I didn't care. After what I had done I didn't deserve to be comfortable. The heat from earlier was gone. The cold bit through my dress. All the warmth in the room had been stolen when Grant left. I shivered on the floor. Outside the sun was beginning its descent in the sky and the room was filling with long cold shadows.

Out in the hallway there was the sound of footsteps. I heard someone calling my name but I didn't answer them. I couldn't answer them. Eventually a maid came inside the room to light the fire and turn down the bed for the night. She jumped when she noticed me curled up on the floor. Immediately she rushed to my side. She put a hand on my shoulder shaking me gently.

"Princess Roslyn?" She questioned quietly. "Are you alright?" She put a hand against my forehead checking for a fever. When she didn't find any trace of one she asked "Can you stand?" I didn't say anything as I sat up slowly. She pulled me up to my feet. The maid held my hand in hers and wrapped an arm around my back supporting me. She took me to the bed and pulled back the covers then tucked me in them. It was cold in the dark room. I felt so empty that I started to shiver and my teeth began to chatter.

Quickly she left my side and started a fire, within minutes it was roaring and filled the room with its heat. The maid stayed by my side sitting in a rocking chair all night long. She didn't talk to me as I laid there in my misery. Instead she hummed an unfamiliar but comforting melody. Soon my eyes felt heavy and I fell into a fitful sleep.

I dreamed of Grant. He was everywhere in my dreams. I saw him get captured and beaten several times. He would be covered in blood and whispering my name as he knelt at my feet begging for mercy. 

I jerked upright with a gasp and the maid was there to comfort me. When I would fall back asleep the dream would start all over each time the dream changed a bit. Over and over I saw him die at the hands of Tarra. But when Tarra turned around she had my face. Over and over throughout the night I killed Grant. I plunged the dagger into his heart and twisted the blade. His eyes would glaze over and he would slump to the ground dead. The sound of my laughter would fill my ears. Over and over the sight of his death would send me screaming awake upright in my bed. The maid would whisper comforting words and coax me back to sleep. 

 I was grateful for her companionship. If I had been alone I wouldn't have been able to get back to sleep. Knowing that she was there was a comfort to me. 

Finally, the sun started to rise in the sky. The maid looked exhausted but she still managed a small smile for me.

"How are you feeling?" She asked me with a concerned expression on her face.

"Tired." I croaked. My throat dry from crying all night. I felt guilty knowing that she would still have a full day of work that she would have to tend to after being awake all night. I wondered if Phillip would free her from her duties if I told him what she had done for me.

She handed me a glass of water which helped my throat.

"I'm Julianne's cousin, she told me that you would be coming. Do you want to talk?" She asked. I felt my eyes fill up with tears at the thought of what I had done.

"I made the worst decision of my life for all the wrong reasons." I whispered. She nodded and smoothed my hair back once again waiting for me to continue "I let go of a man that loved me just so I could please my mother and do my duty for my kingdom." My voice cracked and the tears welled up in my eyes again swimming across my vision.

"Why do you have to please your mother?" She asked gently. She was Julianne's cousin so she knew my situation but she just wanted me to admit it. 

I didn't want to answer but I knew that keeping the real reason hidden wouldn't help. "I've always been a disappointment to her."

She nodded and sat down on the bed next to me taking my hand in hers.

"You know what I have learned over the years?" She asked as she looked me in the eye.

"What have you learned?" I asked her through the tears that were rolling down my face.

"I've learned that some of the things that I regret the most are the things I didn't have the courage to hold on to. I don't regret the things that I did that were foolish as much as I regret the things that I didn't do. Things were there for me within reach but I didn't have enough courage. I will regret those decisions for the rest of my life."

"I don't have a chance now. I've ruined everything between us." Our conversation from last night replayed over and over in my mind. I could see the hurt in his eyes when I told him that I would stay with Phillip to do my duty for my kingdom. 

"Do you love him?" She asked bluntly.

"Yes I do." I said with my voice wavering.

"Does he love you?"

"He did." Grant had said that he had feelings for me. Surely that had to mean something.

"I've known Grant since he was born. He's stubborn and set in his ways. But he is also kind and caring. He will forgive you if you go after him. If he loves you as you say he does he will forgive you."

"I was cruel to him."

"It's not too late Princess. Go after him." She urged with her eyes bright.

"I don't know where he is I won't be able to find him." Grant could be anywhere. I didn't know where he was from. I didn't know where he would go after he left. With his head start it would take a miracle to be able to find him.

She gave me a stern look "Go after him Princess. Go after him or forever wish that you had."