Winner of Wattpad India Awards 2020 (Judge's Choice) in the New Adult category.
~*~
"The lights are cheeky, you can't live without them, and yet if you get too close, they'll blind you. Darkness? Well it doesn't cheat. It's cool and soothing. It's r...
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
Dear Nakul,
Two hours have passed since I've written those words—dear Nakul. I don't have any right to use that endearment, any right to speak, let alone spell your name. Yet here we are.
Dhruv said that you've moved back to your village now, but since I can't recall its name, I'll mail this to your Lucknow address, hoping you'll find it there, sooner rather than later. (Is Dhruv the only person you're in touch with? Akshat had no clue when I asked him where you've been all these years, neither did anyone else).
At first, I thought of e-mailing you, could've taken the ID from Dhruv, then figured it would be best not to involve him this time. And anyway, a real letter seemed more appropriate, for old times' sake.
Seven years ago, asking him to deliver any message of mine for you was second nature. I saw him on papa's birthday last month and he confessed to me how, in spite of all the incessant complains he muttered under his breath, he actually enjoyed playing cupid. Somehow, it made him feel like a closer friend to you, being in on a secret that had Ved out of the loop. He agreed with me when I remarked how childish that was.
Then again, keeping us a secret from Ved was my idea, and it killed you to lie to him, or rather never tell him the truth. I wish I had listened to you. Told him before, well, you know. The knowledge that he died ignorant gnaws me even today.
All because I had the silly notion of secret relationships being romantic.
Though you never voiced it, I know you always felt the secrecy to be something more than the outcome of my stupidity, that I was ashamed of you. No Nakul, that couldn't be further from the truth. If anything, I didn't believe myself to be good enough for you.
I loved you. My most vivid memories of those eighteen months are all of you. Even before that, when Ved first came home with you, both newly commissioned Lieutenants. I had every intention of hating you, the friend who had influenced my brother's decision to join the army. But I just...couldn't.
There you were, smiling a smile that could win over the coldest of hearts, joking about everything, especially yourself. And most importantly, when you thought no one was watching, silently looking out for my brother—hiding the whisky after he had had one too many drinks, listening, actually listening and not pretending like the rest of us, to his latest renditions and then giving genuine feedback, comforting him after the whole Priya fiasco. You were always protecting him, even in his final moments. You might not believe it, but I do. That freak accident wasn't your fault.
And so obviously I loved you. Long before you returned my love, long after you stopped. Heck, a part of me still does. How can it not?
I'm sorry for saying this, for bringing back those memories I'm sure you were happy to forget. But I'll be sorrier if I don't say these things, if I don't own up to all my mistakes.
