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My mouth suddenly felt bone dry and I was squirming in my seat under his touch. I felt the car stop moving and realized we'd made it to my apartment. He put the car in park and turned to face me with eyes full of lust. My chest started to rise and fall quickly as his hand slid higher up my thigh and he leaned towards me. As if he was a magnet, I was drawn to him and began to lean in as well. His other hand reached out and slid to the back of my neck, his thumb resting at the base of my throat. I'm sure he could feel my heartbeat especially considering it was abnormally fast. My face was now just inches from his and my eyes couldn't figure out whether to rest on his lips, or his own eyes.
Just as we were about to kiss and I was gonna find out if he tasted as delicious as he looked, Emaani awoke in the backseat and I was snapped back to reality. I cleared my throat and tried to move away from him, but his hands stayed in place and his eyes stayed firmly trained on mine. "Thank you um...for the ride Samir. And for the whole saving my life thing," I croaked through a dry throat. "Any time." He removed his hands from my neck and my leg, leaving what felt like little fires in their wake. I opened my door and moved to get out but before I went, I decided to be brave. "Hey Samir, could I have your number. You know just in case I need any more saving in the near, or distant future?" I held out my phone.
He thought for a minute – mind you he looked super conflicted – before nodding and taking the phone from my hand and punching in a few numbers. "Don't be a stranger," he called to me as I jogged up the stairs to meet Emaani who was fumbling with her keys in the lock. I waved to him quickly before closing the door and erupting into a very ugly squeal which was met by a groan from Emaani, but I didn't really care. I almost kissed a very beautiful boy. Actually, fuck kissed. I probably would have let that man eat me alive if E hadn't been there.
I put my hair into a puff before getting into the bed - a bad decision, but I was tired and figured I'd deal with it tomorrow - and I climbed between the covers. I opened my phone and stared at the contact Samir had put in it. Sneaky bastard even called himself so he'd have my number too. I'd usually leave a guy and let him sweat trying to figure out if I'd ever call him and I'm sure he knew that which is why he leveled the playing field. He was no dummy I could already tell. Just as I was about to fall asleep, I felt a buzz.
Samir - try to stay out of trouble until you see me next
Mal - 🙄
Samir - i'm serious
Mal - whatever you say sir
Samir - sir. I like the way that sounds
Mal - goodNIGHT Samir
Samir - 💀goodnight sweet one
Did ya'll see that?! Sweet one! Oh my gawd!
***
Tears streaming down my face, I threw clothes into my suitcase. "I can't live here anymore! You're so toxic. You tell me you love me, but you treat me like garbage!"
She forced out a bitter laugh from the door frame behind me. "You can hate me likkle more because at the end of the day you're just an ungrateful child. You don't pay no bills, you don't run tings roun 'ere, most you cyan do is talk, and guess what likkle girl, your words don't hurt me. I'm a grown woman and I have my life. I have my husband, my job, my house, and what do you have? A high chest."
"You're right mom, I don't have anything. You've bought me everything I own, you've kept me from getting a job to make my own money, you've kept me from leaving the house to establish my own life, you've spent my whole life telling me that no one is really there for me but you. But you know what's crazy? I'd rather have less than a penny to my name and be happy, than have everything and be miserable like you."
"Miserable? That's what you think?"
"No. That's what I know. Tell me mommy, when is the last time you had fun doing anything? You can't remember, can you? Because it doesn't happen. If you cant do something and post it on social media, its not worth it to you. You take us and turn us into poppy show so that everyone can look and be impressed by the life you lead and all the things you have. But if they knew the truth, they'd be just as sick of you as I am.
Notice you said you have your husband? Because I'm not a part of your family. I never have been; I spent so much of my life trying to be someone you could be proud of. Someone you could feel good to call your daughter, and all of that work for what? For you to look at me and call me names like I'm some stranger? You call me names because I'm fat, you call me names when I don't get the best grades, you call me names when I don't cook and clean for you. When's the last time you asked me if I'm ok? Cause I'm not. Guess what mom, I don't care. I don't want to be a part of your family."
"You think anyone is going to care when you tell them I made you clean? You're doing all this because you don't want to clean? That's your JOB. That's why I had you! And I don't need to as how you are. If you really felt a way you would tell me. Its not my job to try and understand you. You're a child, you're not even complex enough to understand."
I laughed; I couldn't even help it. Full belly, head thrown back, shoulder shaking laughed. Talking to my mother was like being in a roundabout and forgetting to take your exit. You try to get a point across and as soon as you think you're getting somewhere, she decides that actually, you aren't getting anywhere. I finished packing my suitcase full of the little belongings that were actually mine. It was the first day of summer after my senior year, and she decided she wanted to start a fight. The plan, or rather their plan, was that I'd stay with them throughout all four years of college, and I could then move when I was stable, but I couldn't do it anymore. Every day was another fight, and no matter how close I thought we were getting to a normal relationship, she continued to prove that that could never be the case for us.
Leaving my phone and my car keys – both of which she'd bought me - on the bed, I wheeled my suitcase to the door where she stood and stared at the floor waiting for her to move.
"Listen likkle girl, I tried to shelter you. I tried to make sure that life wouldn't have to be your teacher, but you insist on ignoring me and all the values I've tried to instill in you. So go. Wear tight up clothes, fuck all the men you want, drink, smoke, do whatever you want, but when life drags your ass to hell and back, don't come crawling to me, because the door won't be open." She moved out of my way and I breezed past her toward the front door where my friends were waiting outside.
My dad stood at the door, sadness and hurt filled his eyes. Worry lines carved themselves into his face so deep, they looked like they would never leave. He looked so hurt that I had to look away or I would have cried too. My dad allowed my mom to abuse me my whole life. He never stepped in unless she put her hands on me too hard, he never took my side even when he knew I was right. But, he was still my best friend. He never hurt me the way that she did, and even if we fought, it was never for long. It hurt that he allowed her behavior, but I could understand why he did. You do crazy things for love.
I gave him a long hug and tried my hardest to keep my tears in check.
"It'll be ok," he whispered in my ear before squeezing my shoulders and letting me go.
I walked out the door and loaded my suitcase into my friend's car, but just before I got inside, I heard a scream from behind me, and turned to see that my dad had fallen to the floor. Suddenly everything started swimming and I found myself by his side.
"Dad! Dad! Daddy!" I shouted shaking him and pulling him close to my chest. Oh god. Not this. Not today.
