Lena Luthor || She was my happiness

She was my happiness

I do know what happiness feels like but when my mother died, all I’ve known was sadness and pain and even though I’ve always had Lex to put a smile on my face, I knew there was an hole inside of me, something that no one and nothing could have ever filled up.

Little did I know that eventually that hole disappeared and inside of me love and happiness were born again and stronger than ever before.
I was living again, this time not only from the outside, but mostly from the inside, and all of this happened thanks to that goofy reporter I've met. Kara Danvers.

Meeting her has been the best thing that had ever happened to me. As a scientist I don't believe in destiny but as a human I can’t help doing that. She came into my life when I was losing myself, when I was giving up, I was falling apart and she saved me from that.

I still remember how hard it had been to open up again with someone, to trust and love someone again but she didn’t give up on me and after many invites, lunches, hugs and chats declined with that reporter, I made the first step and went to see her at Catco. From that day, we slowly became closer and closer until I understood that she really wasn’t going anywhere, I knew that I could trust her with all my life. She would have never hurt me, I knew that, she was my hero and she would have always been.

What a fool I was. What I fool I was into believing that she wasn’t going to hurt me. She took my heart out of me and made it into millions of pieces, pieces that I’ll never be strong enough to put them all together again. She hurt me as no one ever did.
I can feel myself dying again, slowly but still dying, breathing is harder than ever before, I don’t feel anything anymore, I’m completely numb and I don’t know how I can get over this, how I can get over her. After all the things that happened in my past, I thought I deserved a happy ending, a happy life with so much love to share with her but I was wrong. I’m underserved of love and happiness and nothing good in life. But I do not understand why. Am I really such a bad person? Kara has always said what a beautiful soul I was, but I guess she was faking everything just to let me trust her more. She was my kryptonite and she killed me, in the worst way possible. Who is going to save me now?

No one can, no one can save a broken soul like mine but do I want to be saved? I actually don’t. Heroes don't exist and I don’t need one, not anymore.
However, she taught me one last lesson. No matter how much you love someone, no matter how much you trust someone, how much you rely on them, at some point everybody leaves you.
And it’s actually true. Or it’s because someone dies, or it’s because someone betrays you, everyone is going to leave you and there is nothing you can do about that. As humans, we can only count on ourselves.

She was my happiness though.