Chase Fallen

Simula

Disclaimer:

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents are either products of author's imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead or actual events is purely coincidental.

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Author's Note:

You may notice numerous grammatical and typographical errors. This story is still on-going and still to be edited when completed. Thank you.

Enjoy reading!

-Love, Lana Mariz

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Goodbye

"Gabrye, please" Pagsusumamo, panghihinayang, sakit and all the other unrecognized emotions filled his eyes.

" Mahal naman kita eh," A tear fell, and another, then another one. Walang humpay na luhang nagsisilbing sakit at salita para sa mga emosyong hindi maisatinig.

" How could you.." He looked pained.

Hate me, Chase. Just hate me. Mas gusto ko iyon, at least I know we'll never be able to be together again. Hindi na ako aasa.

" How could you love someone when you're not ready to fight for them?" His sorrowful eyes tells everything.  It fvcking pained my entire system.

Lahat ng mga nagbabadyang luha kanina ay  patuloy na umagos sa kaniyang mga mata. Hell. How could I afford to break this man. Patuloy ang hikbi naming dalawa ganoon rin ang pagtulo ng dagat na luha saming mga mata.

I don't think there'll be any words in human vocabulary to even explain all the  emotions we're bearing right at this moment.

" Gab, when will you ever fight for something you want?"

He reached for my hands. I sensed anger pero mas nangibabaw ang pagsusumamo sa kaniyang tinig.

"Hindi pa ba ako sapat na dahilan?" Oh boy. I might cross the line. I might give up this crazy barriers I'm building for us not to invade.

" Baby, am I not enough?"

Tumulo ang luha ko. I stared at him long enough to remind myself that there's a boy waiting for him to come home. Umiling ako. Paulit ulit. I thought I mean it, pero taksil ang mga hikbi ko. Mas lalong lumakas. Because who am I lying to? Of course he's enough, he's more than enough. Pero ayoko nito. Mali. Nakakalungkot pero mali.

I wanna say my thought but I don't wanna risk him. I can with my life but not with his. Hindi ko kakayanin iyon. I can break me so many times. Just not this man's life, his career, his future.

"Hindi ko kayang wala ka Chase, pero.." Puno ng sakit ang aking tinig. No matter how much I hide it and pretend that everything in this conversation is easy, my voice just speaks emotions that's evidently painful.

" Pero ano, Gab? Why.. why can't you stay, why can't be we together? Please be selfish, kahit ngayon lang. Ipagdamot mo ako. Parang awa mo na,"

My heart raced when his knees trembled. His knees fell on the cold ground. Under the moonlight. The strongest man I know broke down in my eyes. How, how could i fvcking resist this. Magpapatayo na talaga ako ng rebulto ko sa pagiging tapang-tapangan.

I sighed. And help him stand up.

"Pero hindi ko kayang makita kang miserable. I don't wanna be selfish. I will never stand it . You, with me. While you long for your son. And regret the life you chose just because of this love."

I don't wanna keep him when it'll mean a child losing his father.

Unti-unti, inalis ko ang kaniyang kamay sa akin. I love you but I don't want this. I'll never want you for myself when I know an innocent child will be miserable just for my love.

I stepped back. Nakita ko ang takot at panghihina da kanyang mga mata. Last. I promise just this once. I tiptoed to kiss him fully yet so tender. A kind of  kiss I've never given before. Halik na  puno ng pagmamahal, sakit at pamamaalam.

"Do me a favor Chase,"

I stared in his eyes. I nearly got lost from all the emotions it gives me. I'll miss you, I'll miss us, I'll miss this.

" Please do not break them.. for me." I smiled weakly. 

Pagkatalikod ko'y nagunahan ang mga luha sa pagpatak. I looked above. The moon's watching us 'til this moment. Sa dami ng memories sa ilalim ng malamlam na buwan tingin ko'y nakita na nito lahat-lahat sa amin.

Napangiti ako ng mapait. I walk slowly, hindi ko alam pero tanga na siguro talaga ako. Because here I am waiting for him to stop me. But it never came hanggang sa makapasok ako ng tuluyan sa itim kong Corvette.

I fvcking screamed my heart out. Damn it. Bakit? Bakit ang gago ng tadhana sa buhay ko? I was never selfish my entire life. Si Chase lang. Sa kaniya ko lang naramdaman na pwede akong magdamot. Because I  thought I could give up anything, anyone, just not him. Pero hindi rin pala. Hanggang dito sa parte ng buhay ko, kailangan ko rin pala magparaya. I wonder, what did I ever do in my past life to deserve this now. Ang gago naman.

I only have Chase. Si Chase lang lahat. He's the only one who stayed. Siya lang nakaintindi sa akin, siya lang nagtiyaga, siya lang nagmahal sakin ng buo despite of my brokenness. Pero putangina. Bakit hanggang ngayon hindi pa rin ako pwedeng maging masaya. Paulit-ulit kong hinampas ang steering wheel  as if it'll ease the frustration, anger, and pain.

My phone rang and Jaia's name flashed in the screen. Walang pag aalinlangan kong sinagot ang tawag. When she was about to say something hindi ko na napigilan ang mga luha at hikbi nanaig sa buong sasakyan.

"Gabrye, where are you?"

Paulit-ulit na mura ang aking binibigkas sa di malamang sakit at galit. Tinatawag ako ni Jaia sa kabilang linya ngunit walang tigil ang hikbi ko't mga luha.

" Gabrye.."

" Please tell me where you are, don't cry. Don't fvcking cry and focus on your breathing." I know Jai. I know. It just wouldn't stop.

" Gab putangina papatayin kita pag may nangyaring masama sa---" Naputol sa ere ang boses niya ng marinig ang boses ko.

" Jai," Pumiyok ang boses ko. I couldn't even recognize my own voice. Tila ba nilamon ito ng mga emosyong gustong kumawala.

" Jai, putangina. Ang sakit-sakit. Jai,"

Narinig ko sa kabilang linya ang buntong hininga ni Jaia kasabay ng paghampas sa kung ano man. I don't wanna be a burden and be like this. Sa buong buhay being a burden would be the least thing I want to be. Ngunit ngayon, kahit isang beses lang. Gusto kong pagbigyan yung sarili kong ilabas lahat 'to sa isang taong alam ko di ako iiwang mag-isa sa ganitong sitwasyon.

" I only have chase, si Chase lang Jai. Putangina. Hindi ko kaya eh, hindi ko pala kaya," Hearing my sobs and cries this way, pakiramdam ko ay hindi na ko makakaahon kailanman.

" Bakit ang hirap hirap bumitaw? If.. if only I could fight. Pero wala na eh, talong talo na ko."

I only loved Chase in this lifetime. Wala ng iba pa. At tingin ko'y  habang buhay akong malulunod sa pagmamahal na iyon habang siya ay bumubuo na ng pamilya. But I chose this. Dapat panindigan ko hindi ba? Dapat kaya ko.

"Fvck legality, i never win."