Life is Hell

Chapter 1

                Hello there! If you are reading this either you stole this from my girlfriend and I’m on the way to kill you or I’m dead due to specified reasons. Both ways someone’s dead and I’m laughing my ass off. My name is Asher. I am a hybrid, being both an angel and demon. I was one of the 10 born from the union of Michael, one of the three remaining archangels, and Lilith, the first demon. Unlike most things that are born, I was born when Lucifer impregnated Lilith with Michael’s angelic essence. Neither of my parents care that we exist. 7 of my siblings fell to their demonic urges and became the manifestations of the Seven Deadly Sins. My sisters and I fought off our urges with the help of our uncles, Raphael, Gabriel, Azazel, and Cain. We were trained by them to protect ourselves by them in case Lucifer came for us. We split up and began blending in to human society. My eldest sister, Ariel, is following her music career in Alaska. My second oldest sister, Anna, is currently a world famous artist. Me? I’m in college for my culinary degree…

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I looked up at the building with a twinge of nervousness in my body. I began reading the sign on the archway. “Jefferson’s Institute of the Culinary Proficient. Sounds like a place full of dumbfucks with daddy issues”, I said with sarcasm. I began laughing at the irony in my words. After the giggles subsided, I began walking towards the doors. A red blur ran into me as I was walking towards the doors. “Hey! Watch where the fuck you’re going, you agnostic…” I said, trailing off once I saw who ran into me. “Holy shit, she is cute” was the first thought that crept into my mind. She had deep auburn hair, silver eyes with flecks of emerald, slightly tanned skin much like my own, and three freckles on each cheek. She was of Irish decent, due to her small height and the accent that her words held. “Move, you white haired piece of shite!” she said back as she ran towards the parking lot. I turned towards the building once more to be once again hit by a blur. “I’m lovin’ my luck today!” I thought once again as another cute woman ran into me. She had brown hair pulled into a bun, ocean blue eyes, and lighter skin. “Sorry!” said the second cute lady, in a Tex accent. She ran in the same direction as the first woman. I fixed my clothes, checked to make sure that no one else was running in my direction, and walked in the school.

        I walked up to the front desk. I cleared my throat to catch the old woman at the desk’s attention. She looked up and smiled. “Can I help you, young man?” she said with kindness clear in her voice. I smiled back and asked “Can you help me? My name is Asher Michaelson and it’s my first day here.” She started typing at her computer when she heard my name. With a click of her mouse and 2 minutes of waiting, she handed me three pieces of paper and keys. “There you go! Those papers have your schedule, a map of the school, and your excuse for your class, in case the professor wants an excuse. Also here is the keys to your room” She said whist smiling. I nodded my thanks and head off to my first class.

        Once I got to the correct room, I knocked. “Come in!” said a heavy Boston accent. I walked in and was hit with the smell of burning trash. “Sorry about the smell! My class apparently lack proper cooking abilities!” said an older lady with a smile and a fake glare at the class. “Hi, I’m the new kid” I said to her. “Hi, The New Kid, my name is Mrs. Custeau. Why don’t you introduce yourself to the class? Start with your actual name.” she said, never dropping the smile from her face. “Hi, my name is Asher Michaelson.” I said. “What is something interesting about yourself?” she asked. I shrugged and uttered, “Well, um, I like cooking.” “No shit Sherlock, so do we!” said a voice that came from one of the mini-kitchens at the back of the room. “Natasha, no need for the smart-ass comments”, yelled Mrs. Custeau. “Go on” she said after the giggling stopped. “I, uh, I’m good with cars?” I said, unsure of what to say next. She nodded and exclaimed “Riveting! Anyways, for your first assignment, you must cook an edible meal.” I nodded and headed for a sink, so I could wash my hands. After washing my hands and getting the ingredients for the pizza I planned on making, I started making said pizza. “What toppings do you want?” I asked. “Surprise me!” she replied, more intent on watching me cook. I shrugged my shoulders and tossed on mushrooms and un-cooked bacon bits. I tossed the pie in oven and began cleaning up the kitchen, while the whole class watched. I bent over to pick up a fallen rag and heard a voice call out “Nice ass!” I replied “Take a pic, sweetheart, it will last longer”, sassiness evident in my voice. I stood up and began taking the pizza out the oven, when I sensed something flying towards my head. I picked up a fork and threw it at the object in question. I heard the sound of the fork going through paper and getting lodged into the wall besides the person who threw the paper. I placed the pizza on a plate and turned around to face the class. They all were white in the face, except the perpetrator with the fork beside their face. It was the red haired girl who ran into me earlier! I walked over, pulled the fork out the wall, turned away from her, and walked back to the kitchen. “Hey! Fuck you, numb nuts! And don’t call me sweetheart!” she yelled, anger clear in her voice. “Later, sweetheart. I got things to do right now” I retorted. The class, including Mrs. Custeau, began laughing. I gave the plate to Mrs. Custeau and waited for the response. “Hm. I give this a 9 out of 10.” She said. My mouth dropped open. “What the hell?” I thought in disbelief as she wrote it down in her grade-book. “Close your mouth, or else a fly will get in.” she said not even looking up. I closed it. “Go sit by Alice. That will be your seat for the semester. Alice, raise your hand dear.” She added. A girl’s hand raised up. It was the brown haired girl from before! “I’m right here!” said Chloe, in a Texan accent. “If my luck was a girl, I’d marry her.” I thought as I walked over to her and sat down. “Howdy, name’s Chloe Eastwood, if you couldn’t tell.” She said as she put her hand out for a hand shake. I shook her hand. “Name’s Asher Michaelson. Pleasure to meet ya.” I replied. she smiled at me and turned her head back towards the teacher, Miss Whatsherface. i tuned out her as i began thinking about what i was going to do once i got back to my dorm.

        "Come on! I haven't got all day!" said Chloe. I jumped out my seat. I looked around the room and realized Chloe and I were the only ones left. She was standing over by the door, smiling. I blushed and grabbed my stuff. "Never thought you would realize the class ended" she said. My face was flushed pure red at this point. I began walking towards the parking lot. "Where are you going?" she asked, confusion plain on her face. "That class was my only class. I'm going to my dorm." I replied. She nodded and began walking beside me. "What are you doing?" i said, apprehension in my voice. "I need to grab somethings from my car." she said. I nodded and began looking around for my car. Out the corner of my eye, I saw two flashes of red and white. I stopped in my tracks. "Whats wrong?" Chloe asked, worry in her blue eyes. "Nah, just thought i saw my car" I lied. "What the bloody fuck are they doing here?"  I thought to myself. I looked around once more and spotted my car. It was a 2009 chrome Chevy Camaro, with red highlights. I turned around, mouth opened to speak, but closed it when I realized that Chloe was gone. I shrugged my shoulders and got in my car. 

        I pulled over to the side of the building. I looked at the paper in my hand, and back at the building. "Well, that can't be right." I said to myself. The building was a bright pink with white columns. I walked up to the door and knocked. The door opened to reveal a short Mexican. "Yeah?" he said. Now I have met some high motherfuckers, but this man took the metaphorical cake. He was so baked , he could have been a cake. "Hi, I'm new here." I said. "Oh, come on in then" he said. I walked into the living room and stood in shock. On the wall was a 92 inch tv with every console imaginable hooked up to it. "Holy mother of god" I uttered. "God doesn't have a mother, you ass" called a voice from upstairs. "Don't mind him, he is just on his man period." said the Mexican. "My name is Ethan and the asshole upstairs is Santiago." said the now identified tim. "My names Asher. Nice to meet you." I said, unsure of how the conversation was going to go. He began walking towards a door by the kitchen. "Here's your room. It's a bit of a mess since we use it for..." He trailed off, a blush appearing on his cheeks. "Its where him and his boy toy of a spouse go to fuck!" Santiago yelled from the top of the steps. "Oh, well it can't be...." I froze when it hit me. Boy toy? I thought to my self. It hit me again. Spouse!? I screamed to myself. I felt heat spread across my face. "It can't be what?" Ethan asked me, worry on his face. "N-Nothing. It's nothing." I said, the blush escaping my cheeks. "Well, I have to go out to meet my husband, so I'll see you later! Be nice, you asshole!" Ethan screamed up at Santiago before leaving the dorm. I looked around my room and sighed. Finally some peace and quiet! i thought to myself as I began checking the bed for stains. Once i was sure there would't be any surprises in my bed, I flopped down on the bed. "Oh, well. I guess a nap couldn't hurt anyone" I murmured to myself, sleep already luring me into its dark depths.