The End of Desire

Rich Boy, Poor son

     It's the next week, a Another day, another month, another mental tremor, and the morning is gradually approaching its peak, I'm up and outta bed as early as 4am, morbidly gazing at the iron clad burglary windows, I don't do it every time but it's becoming of a habit lately, now I'm finally up, need to go wash the car, that's the only thing I don't screw up or least having the tendency of screwing up at, Ava's still asleep but she's gotta prepare breakfast for my father , yeah you heard me right "BREAKFAST", I may never understand the parent I've got, is he actually doing this to somewhat punish us for a future crime, or is he just plain selfish?!, oh well !, I don't care, "Que Sera Sera" right?, I uttered to myself in a subtle but yet free spirited manner. What a tough yet turbulent lifestyle we've had.
Sitting at the slab-concrete extent of our front porch with a Cola drink by my side , a strong urge to reminisce about the years gone by 2013-through- '18 creeps in, those half dozen of years passed was one of the biggest revelatory moments ever experienced and that of my family as a whole, years made of conceived anger to painless aggression, and cold associations and affixations, dark and upbeat tense scenarios were what was fed upon, to dreary love songs, to clinging to space, time and creation such as constellations as being responsible for life's infidelity, to first genuine friendship to first love affair, to breakup, to finding a purpose....Always had a thing for music, a antique collector of exquisite, well refined, retro, upbeat and remastered, new skool and good 'ol fashion  music, a human if I would say, mean I'm almost 31 now, Not like it's that bad nonetheless, I haven't even dated anyone in over 11 years now, my first crush, Nora Dawson, she was the most prettiest thing I'd ever seen in the 5th grade I'd always admired her and gave a rehearsed smile when she wasn't looking, She was perfect, slim , choco skinned, the right body that always fitted the school's sports wear, a curvaceous body to die for, and now all of that i see in my 8year old back then, that's one hell of a damsel to be honest, as well as Amanda of "The Amanda Kids Show" on BITV late Friday night shows fiesco. "That girls' a brainy", I would say to myself, I'd see it atimes as a race to try to keep up with, she was the Academic Usain Bolt in that period and I was the Justin Gaitlin of the comparison, always came up short compared to her, more like 5th best or 7th best to be frank here, After I told her I had feelings for her , I was 18 that time, ya!, what took me so long right ?....you wouldn't think I'd pull of something as crazy like that, yanked my over-obsessive thinking to one side "things I do for love", hey, you know what, got outta my way, wore my best shirt, mustered up guts which weighed up till her door steps, with flowers in my hand, and my heart gently wheezing away from my sleeves, because i couldn't hang it in there unfortunately. Took and Uber and it laid me at her front porch, a quick exhale of anxiety followed before I walked up and knocked against the door, still had to do final breath check, you know, for the ummm, late late late night dessert, you know what I mean, still have to pucker up those dry-hardened lips c'mon admit it, you're thinking what I'm thinking too. She answered the door, I smiled and she offered a seat for me and the flower, oh! sorry, excuse me a vase I may say, sometimes I can be cocky and it gets me in trouble. We sat and talked for a while and nora, oh my !, she's the most amazing being I'd ever seen, can't stop gazing at her to catch a glimpse of those dreamy eyes, it was all smooth and nice convo, then it went from a one-way reply to abject silence, well, I can't say much anymore because it got me angry but worried in some way as I thought about it on my way home...As sad as it seemed, there was nothing that could be more comforting than a well-catered plate of salad with red wine, uhhhh!, Ava why are you outside the house?, Dad again?!, this time it wasn't her fault not that it's mostly her fault now it's Chris's doings, he often doesn't say much because he reeks of a panic and fear. We live in the biggest, most expensive building in the estate and also in the community at large, 35,000 sqm with a pool, two parking garages, half-a-dozen fleet of cars each costing $8,000, a 5 bed room mansion, three executive parlors, two balconies, one exclusive BQ, a mini picnic ground, all in excess of over $130,000 in valuation, I guess my family is that rich, they're rich, I'm not, no one ever seems to get the point, just hope y'all get it someday, you got the most expensive but you can afford to accommodate love, wear the clothes that grooms one as an adult yet I look in the mirror and I see a child, thinking of how to stop thinking of sadness, I can't afford to keep nora happy in the long-run and I get it now, self-love comes first but i hope someday I'll love her just as the way I set it up in my head, it's gonna be romantic, do you know much I love Faroe Islands, Imma take her there, for the easter festivity, wait what if her favorite spa group ain't there?, and are the faroese racists? Or are they sad people waiting to kill tourists in their sleep after spending the second night there?, Oh sh*t!, there goes my over-obsessive thinking again, damn, I can be so clueless atimes, I'll leave it here for now, I'll see better days as I hope to unsee today as well.

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Curtain falls