My Jesse St James (Glee)

Stay

Jesse kissed me to wake me up and I kissed him back. He stroked my hair with his fingers. I loves when he does that. But it's different this time. I don't know why but it feels different. It feels weird. Worse.

He's been acting differently recently. More distant. I don't know why. We do all of the normal stuff but he won't go to bed with me like normal. Yes Cameron approves. But he just stays up all night and he tries to cover his bags. He's so different. He used to sing in the shower and I'd sit outside listening to it. But the last four days he just hasn't.

I tried talking to Mercedes about it but she just thought it was just normal guy puberty stuff but isn't Jesse a bit too old for it? I don't know. I then tried talking to Kurt about it and he asked if Jesse was depressed. I didn't know the answer to that either. I tried to sit in watching rehearsals but they seemed pretty normal and scary Jesse.

I haven't really seen Rachel recently. So I don't know if it's her but since us eating ice cream with Cameron it's just been so different. I took him out for dinner the other day and he just seemed as if he was acting to be happy with me. He stopped wearing scarfs or rather he'd come home without it. Like he was with someone. I really don't wanna snoop through his phone and his stuff but I am getting to the point of wanting to do so.

"Hey Jesse-" I said to him looking up at him. "Yes?" He said. "I was just wondering if you're alright? If you wanna talk I'm here." I asked him. He sighed and sat up then I followed his example. "To be honest there is something..." He looked away. "What is it?" I asked. He took my hands in his. They felt cold and I felt tears gather in my eyes. "I need to leave Ohio.." He sighed. "Wait what?" I swallow so I don't cry yet. "I've been offered a shot at Broadway and I have to. Allison I have to." He looked into my eyes. I nodded. I was concerned that he had cheated or he was depressed but now my mind had been completely abducted by him leaving.

"So you left your scarf of the train for auditions?" I asked him. It was his turn to nod. "I have a place in New York." He told me. "I'd ask you to come with me but you have to stay here for school. I checked for schools in New York but you can't go to those." He sighed and kissed my forehead. "I don't care! I'll drop out I just-" I started but her put his finger to my lips. "No." He shook his head. "You have to stay. If you come to my home in New York without permission I'll turn you away." He told me and I nodded again upset. He hugged me tightly. "If long distance is too much for us then I will have no choice but to leave.." He mumbled loud enough for me to hear him clearly. "When do you leave?" I asked. "Today. I need to be at the train station in an hour." He told me. I shook my head and got out off his arms. "You didn't tell me before now. Why?" I cried. "Because I knew this was how you'd react. I couldn't let myself see it before now." He sighed and tried to grab my hand but I pulled it away. "So you were going to leave without telling me first? Just because you couldn't handle it?" I got up our off my own bed. He tried to talk but I cut him off. "No. Don't. I'll take you to the train station just go get ready. I can't believe you had me worried for days and not tell me." I shook my head.

Now recalling what happened I can see I overreacted a little bit but overall I handled it better than some people would. I know you may think I should of left him but I just couldn't. I wanted us to work. I just needed us to work.

The train was heard after Cameron parked the car. It had been a quiet car journey. Jesse and I got out off the car and he pulled his suitcase over to the platform and I followed behind him. This couldn't be happen. I just couldn't believe it. I still can't believe it.

We stood opposite each other. Staring in silence then Jesse broke the silence. "Well I should-" He began and I stopped him hugging him tightly crying. "Don't forget me." I cried. He hugged me back. I could hear the tears in his eyes. "Please be a nightmare.." I mumbled but he kissed me. "No it's not a nightmare see.." He pinched my arm and I nodded. He sighed. "Allison- I-" He started but I shook my head. "No. Don't say it. Just stay with me right now and get on that train." I pointed to it. He hugged me once last time and got on the train. I just stood there as he waved and I felt a cloud of doubt rain down on me. I just watched the train begin to leave and I ran with the train on the platform waving bye in tears.

Then someone grabbed me from behind. It was Rachel. I turned to look at her and she offered me a hug. I hugged her. "Let's get you some hot chocolate." She took me over to Cameron's car and we drove to the nearest café where some of our friends were. They were comforting me. "Was that a breakup?" I asked Rachel and Cameron. Cameron sighed and gave a slight nod. "He gave me this for you." He passed me a letter.

Dearest Allison,

I regret to leave you. But you have your whole life ahead of you. Maybe we'll meet again one day. Get Married and have kids. Maybe we won't. But I want to tell you that I hope you have a great life and please move on from me...

My opening night is in a month's time. You can come see me if you wish I bought you three tickets. One for you and two of your friends. Or you can give them away. I don't really mind what you do as long as your happy.

I love you but I need to leave you..

Yours sincerely,
Jesse St James