Tapish تپش

six

Duaa was slowly adjusting to life back in the villa. Rayyan was doing everything to make it easy for her. She noticed his longing gaze at her baby bump. But she wasn't going to give him a chance to hurt her baby again with his crass words. She can endure every wrongdoing but never let her child suffer.

Even now she was sitting in her room and caressing her bump lovingly. Rayyan was in his office, maybe. She didn't know exactly. He rarely left the house these days.

" Kya hai mama ki jaan? Kyu aap mama ko itna pareshaan Kar rahe hai?" She was getting agitated as her baby was moving restlessly.

She then had the sudden craving to have mangoes. It was the middle of winters for crying out loud. Where would she get mangoes in this season? But the tempting image of the juicy yellow ball of goodness was not leaving her mind. Her baby seemed adamant on getting them. She was on the verge of tears now.

"Kya hai aapka? Kyu mama ko tang Kar rahe hai? Abhi mama kaha see layegi mangoes? Aur hum kisi see keh bhi nahi sakte hai iske liye. Itni thand me nahi milte hai wo meri jaan. Hum paani pi lete hai. Aapko pasand hai na ?" she sipped on her water.

All this was heard by Rayyan who had just come to check on them. Helplessness like no other engulfed him.

His wife was craving something and she didn't feel him worthy enough to share that desire.

Could she make it anymore clear how unwanted his presence was in her life? He had noticed that she didn't use anything in the house. Not even eat at odd times.

Since the time he had researched on pregnancy, he had stocked the pantry with all kinds of stuff. The local supermarket was on his speed dial lest he had to run in the middle of the night to get Duaa something she craved.

But she didn't even eat besides the dining hours. She didn't feel at home still to voice out her needs or felt that she had any right on him to demand things of him.

There wasn't a bigger loser than him. He didn't dwell on that thought for long. He needed to make his wife happy.

He casually walked in and didn't hide the fact that he was eavesdropping on their one sided conversation. Crouching down on the floor beside her bed, he gently caressed her belly.

"Kya hua hai? Mera bacha bhooka hai? Kya khana hai meri jaan ko? Baba laa denge aapko."

"Kuch nahi. Aur aap chup ke humari baatein sun rahe the?" She gave him a  snide look and pushed his hand away. He felt like an outsider then; with his own family.

"Haa toh? Baba hai hum inke. Kyu na sune aapki baatein. Agar aapko aam khane hai toh hum abhi laa dete hai. Hum aapke liye aam ke pure bageeche khareed sakte hai, toh chand aam ki Kya baat hai?"he tried to joke.

"Badi jaldi yakeen hua aapko ke aap hi inke Baba hai. Aur koi baat nahi. Hume ab nahi khane hai aam. Aur waise bhi agar hum inki har baat maanenge toh inki aadatein kharab ho jayegi. Hum inhe ye lifestyle nahi de payege. Behtar hai abhi see hi disciplined rahe ye."

"Duaa please. Tumhara gunahgaar main hu, iski saza iss masoom ko mat do. Aur I'm really sorry for every word that I've said. I don't have any explanation for it except that I was an utter idiot and a fool to do all that" he pleaded with her.

"Aur hum inki aur aapki har khwaish poori karna chahte hai. Aap sirf keh kar toh dekhe." His eyes were conveying his sincerity. And his face... Allah!

Tired of being angry, she just nodded her head. She was finally coming to terms with her situation. And he was repenting as well.

If he had committed a mistake, then  she was at fault too. She should have tried harder to tell him the truth. Fought for their love and relationship. Except what she did was flee at the first sight of trouble.

She chose her ego and pride over their marriage. She could have made him understand, but she decided he wasn't worthy of an explanation.

She wasn't making excuses for his behavior, but anyone could have jumped to conclusions after witnessing what he did, that too without any malicious interference from another.

He was just an insecure husband at that moment. She should have slapped him and made him listen to everything. Except what she did was desert him and abscond from their relationship. In a way, she abandoned him as well.

She sighed. She wouldn't outright forgive him, but she won't keep him at a distance as well. At least from their baby.

" Hume aam khane hai." She looked down at her belly and playfully reprimanded her baby
"Aur inka bhi mood hai aam khane ka. Subah see bechain kar rakha hai inhone mama ko" she said.

Rayyan looked up in disbelief. He couldn't gauge her comportment. Tentatively he took her hand in his, and when she didn't resist, he broke down.

She felt uncomfortable with his display of emotions but she understood where he was coming from. She had made him feel like a stranger in his own home.

He didn't know what changed but he wanted things to be that way. He kissed her palms and then her belly.

She removed him from her body suddenly conscious.
Putting a distance between them she said,
"Baby steps, let's take baby steps"

" I want to sprint and run in joy, but we'll do whatever you want darling. I'll do anything that you want. Anything for you. Just know that you won't regret it."

She just gave him a nod in return. Uncomfortable at his declaration, she reverted his attention, "Aam? Abhi milenge?"

He gave her a big smile and hastily got up before running to the kitchen.
He came back even faster than he had left.

" I had stocked the pantry with everything that you could possibly crave. Even the fridge is full of fruits and chocolates and what not." he explained, deliriously happy while giving her a plate of six big ripe mangoes.

Her eyes twinkled at the sight of the tropical delicacy and she immediately started gobbling them up like a kid in summers! She was a child in so many ways.

Having just turned eighteen she was yet to experience the tender love and care that a parent showers on their children. And here she was about to bring one of her own in the world.

It was then that Rayyan decided, he would be a father to both his babies. He'll pamper her just as much if not more. He'll be the grown up in their relationship and let her be the kid she deserves to be, the kid she missed out on being, because of circumstances.

The kid who had to grow up so fast and face so much because of him. This was his way of making up for everything he'd done.

But most importantly, he promised himself that he will love and trust her like no other. It was his mistrust that has brought them here.
And he will build their relationship back again. Even if it takes him a lifetime to do it, he will.