And It Was Enough

 Be careful, as this story contains season 2 spoilers for Bungo Stray Dogs and trigger warnings of death and minor suicidal implications regarding two characters. You have been warned. Additionally, please excuse typos, I wrote this on my phone. 

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Dazai would never quite understand the words that Oda had spoken to him until he lost the man forever. Several syllables wrapped into careful sentences that unfortunately went through one ear and out the other, unprocessed and misunderstood by Dazai until years had passed where he racked his brains for any trace of the now gone man to pull him through another day.

Dazai had known long before he'd been told by Oda that he wouldn't find a reason to live in the world of bloodshed he'd dwelled in. He understood all too well that leading a life of killing was far different yet so similar to leading a life of protecting, but he didn't care to admit it to himself until this moment.

The moment where Oda lay in his arms, blood seeping out of a bullet hole in his chest and rushing like crimson waves across everything beneath him, was one nothing could have prepared him for. Dazai's hands were stained with the blood from his beloved but tears regretfully refused to prick into his eyes. He felt numb but broken and the only thing he could manage was to look into the slowly fading eyes of Oda.

"I'm sorry I wasn't here sooner." he mustered.

Oda smiled a broken smile, the pain in his eyes slowly muting and blossoming into something far more beautiful. His affection for Dazaiwas nearly palpable and it broke Dazai's heart even more. "You still came." Oda croaked. "Dazai, do you remember what I told you?"

"What," Dazai offered a broken smile, finally feeling the wetness in his eyes, "that I'm an idiot?" Oda slightly shook his head but Dazai already knew what he'd been trying to say. "I'm going to leave the mafia and start fighting for something better, Odasaku." He promised with a sniff.

Oda nodded slightly, seemingly satisfied with Dazai's answer, and tipped his head forward. Dazai followed the movement and pressed his forehead against Oda's. "I'm sorry it ended like this." Oda whispered.

Dazai frowned. "Is there no hope for you anymore?"

Oda shook his head. "Iwas shot too close to my- my heart," he whispered. "though I think I'm ready to go..."

"You won your last fight, Odasaku," Dazai offered, leaning down to press a soft kiss against his dying lover's cheek. "I'm proud of you."

"D-Dazai," Oda raised his hand to cup the side of Dazai's cheek, his rough fingers playing with the edge of the bandages wrapped around Dazai's face. "Did Iever tell you that I love you?" He asked softly.

Dazai melted into his tough, raising one of his hands to press against the back of Oda's. Oda distinctly recognized the feeling of more gauze pressed against his skin instead of the feeling of what lies beneath. But he already knew why Dazai decided to hide parts of his body beneath thick layers of bandages, despite how much the reason hurt. Dazai's touch was still there and it was all Oda needed in his last moments.

"Yes," Dazai said with a forced chuckle, "you were always such a sap for me." A tear fell from one of his glittering brown eyes, sliding momentarily down his cheek before it met the air and free fell directly onto Oda's face. He felt the coldness of the water and shivered slightly, knowing it was full of the pain Dazai must be feeling. "I love you, Oda. Today, tomorrow and forever.

"Dazai, I wish I didn't have to leave you," Oda sighed, coughing a little. Oxygen was starting to slow and he knew all too well that each breath he took now had a very high chance to be his last. "But such is the way. Stay strong and find any reason for you to keep living. If not for yourself, then for me."

Dazai cried and nodded, drifting downwards to press his slightly parted lips against Oda's. It was his requiem, a lament to the pain he'd feel until he finally met his well desired end. It was all of his emotions, all of the feelings he'd felt throughout his life and for Oda. It was everything he wanted to tell his dying love and nothing at all. It was the last thing they would ever share together before the rest of Oda's life faded away.

When they pulled apart, Oda's eyes were slowly closing. "Goodbye, Dazai," he whispered, smiling as the last of the air that had kept him alive slowly left his body. Then, his hand dropped from the side of Dazai's face to lay loosely across his stomach and every remaining trace of Oda's presence in those eyes disappeared into an empty canvas of chocolate brown. Dazai smiled at how peaceful he looked now. Devoid of any pain, perfect serenity on his features. He knew this wasn't the death Oda had wanted, but like he had said, such is the way. Oda had lived a life that was oh so far from perfect, but it had been enough.

He gently lay his boyfriend on the ground, carefully minding his head and making sure he'd be in a comfortable position until someone came and found him. He gave him one last look, felt his heart break one more time, then forced himself to turn and leave the Mimic headquarters, cursing the beauty of the sunset and cursing the dead man who'd killed his lover.

However, despite his overwhelming pain, Dazai felt peace in the fact that he now had a reason to live at least a little longer. It was so he could cherish his lost love's memory and look for something else that would sustain him until he could finally die peacefully, at the cost of something that wasn't his own. Though he Dazai knew that until the end, Oda would watch him carefully from the heavens and smile, waiting for Dazai to meet him when his time, too, would come. And so Dazai would live to meet that opportunity in a way he wouldn't regret. To be with his lover forever after his time on earth fully ends.

And it would be enough.