I Think I Love You

Chapter 7

Sitting looking into the fire, quietly crying at the thought of the guy I went to school with dying and me not even knowing. Sitting here now with his partner in my bedroom past out the last hour and his cute adorable son asleep on the sofa and me quietly sobbing alone. Crying into the tissue trying to muffle any sound I close my eyes and lean my head back taking some deep breaths. What the hell happened to Kai. Why didn't he want us around. We tried to reach out but he didn't want it. One day he was there the next he was gone. I really hope Kyungsoo can fill in the blanks for us I really do.

The storm starts to really hit us again outside making me get up from the floor to check Taemin. Sitting close to him I gently touch his hand smiling as tears flow down my face like waterfalls. "Your so much like your daddy I can see that now. Not that long ago I was talking with you asking permission to date your appa and now look, turns out your my friends kid who I knew nothing about". Moving away to the kitchen I lean against the counter and slide down it to the floor pulling my legs into my chest and crying into my arms that lay on top of them.

Oh Kai why did you have to be so stubborn with us, why keep pushing us away. You have a beautiful family and your not even here to see your son grow up. I feel the lump in my throat block off my airways making me rush into Kyungsoo's bedroom grabbing the pillow and holding it over my face making me scream into it to get all my rage and emotions out hopefully not waking either one of my guests.

A few minutes have past making me head back into the sitting room to see baby Taemin still out cold. Walking slowly towards my bedroom I stop in the doorway and look at the most beautiful sight laying on my bed. There he is sleeping looking so adorable but it breaks my heart also after what he just went through. Was it a sign that I met him that night in the rain. What would have happend to them both if I wasn't in work so late and had left earlier would he have been there still. Would they have died on the street in the rain. Would someone have stopped for them.

Moving back to the sitting room I feel really tired but wide awake at the same time. My emotions are up in the air right now. I sit on the floor beside the chair Taemin is asleep on and slide my finger into his little fist so he has something to hold and not feel alone while I lay my head down on the cushion beside him watching his everymove till the land of dreams takes me.

***

Waking to little noises and my hand being tugged. I smile at the cute little red faced Taemin smiling at me seeing my eyes finally open. "Goodmorning my buddy, are you hungry?"  I get up from the floor and lift him up into my arms as I carry our sleepy heads to the kitchen grabbing a pre made bottle. "Here you go little man" I hold the bottle up to his mouth as he grabs it and starts to drink it. I love how comfortable he is with me that it really warms my heart.

All emotions are flying around my head right now. Walking towards my bedroom carrying Taemin as he drinks his bottle I take a look inside seeing Kyungsoo still fast asleep and he hasn't moved all night. I find my eyes lower to look at his chest checking to see that it is still moving that he is still breathing at least. Closing over the door a little I make my way back to the sitting room and sit on the sofa with Taemin on my lap who is guzzling his bottle.

"Hey slow down buddy, you will be full of air" I take the bottle from his mouth smiling at the cute pout he has now looking up at me as I sit him up straight making him burb. "I bet that felt nice" kissing the top of his head I am so happy to see his temperature didn't come back during the night. "OK since your Appa is out cold I think we should change your diaper and get you changed little one" 

Sitting him on the sofa with cushions all around him like a barrier I go and grab some diapers, wipes and some fresh clothes. Smiling at his little socks I find I make my way back to him. "Let's get you all cleaned up shall we". Picking him up I carry him into the bathroom in Kyungsoo's room and start to fill the tub a little with the hot water that the fire heats up being so grateful that it does.