Just read and feel

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At that time, I was 18 and he was 21. I was at the final year of high school while he was the third year student of IT university. We were from two different countries and made friends on Facebook. It was I who started messages, Maybe motivation to let me do that was i was crazy about his face. It was impressive in the first look. Besides, he could speak 6 different languages and i have the same interests in languages. Therefore, I realized I loved him much. One day, he asked "Do you love me?", I was on cloud nine, my heart beat fast and wanna cry for this. However, I kept calm for shyness and say " I just like you" though I knew my feelings didn't stop at the level of admiration for him, it was love. He said "ok, if you like me then I just like you, nothing more". I didn't wanna skip guy I ever dreamed of. Then I agreed. After that day, we seemed to chat less. He was never the first person texting, just I started each talk. He said he didn't wanna bother me and let me pay close attention to my entrance exam to university. In love, like other girls, I also need cares, sharing, sweet words. He had all but he didn't show them.He could read my mind but he rarely said to me 'bout what he thought. The first our call for my sulk, my heart really melted for his warm voice, it was really remedy for my study pressures.But, not too long, he sent me messages saying that he was ill and lying a hospital for 2 weeks,he wouldn't talk to me, he also changed name he gave me on our Fb because he was afraid parents would check phone. 2 weeks to me is too long, I cried so much, thought of him everytime. I wanna there to take care of him and wanted his hugs. I am a strong girl but I also couldn't deny that I could become weak at some minutes. Then I took message after 2 weeks " Honey". I couldn't find any words to say my feelings. However, this happened not too long. He must come to Moscow for work on 27th, May. He said: " i must work 14 hours a day, no time to call mom let alone you". I just cried, fell down, I thought of difficulty we must face ahead. We couldn't hold hands to overcome. I dont know if I was too childlike when sulking with him or he didn't care enough for love. In the end, it is just line of messages, not actions. Maybe he just needs me when he is sad.... and he found another better girl than me.
That is my first love, I couldn't forget also. A new life in sprawling city, there are many pressures, besides family, I just wish he were here, beside me, encouraged me, hugged me and took me to lakes to see sunsets, it was peaceful. I don't need expensive, big things, but the simplest things.
He also promised that he would come here to find me but now there is no reason for him to be here. 🐾
Maybe I put too much expectation.
Some other things I will keep for myself without telling. ☘️

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⏰ Last updated: Jun 01, 2020 ⏰

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