human

It all started with the darkness, really. The darkness was all she knew. It swirled around her, blocking everything else out. There was no love or happiness. No anger or sadness. There was only the darkness. And the hunger. How could she forget the hunger? Such a primal and terrifying feeling. The want, the need to tear someone apart simply to satisfy her thirst. So, yes, it all started with the darkness and the hunger. It was all she knew. It was all she'd known for a very, very long time.

But then there was a voice. A strong, demanding voice pulling her away from the darkness and the hunger. The voice brought a light. A distant, fiery light, and, even from so far away, she could feel the emotion radiating from it. She could feel the waves of joy, and sadness, and pain rolling off of it in a mangled but steady mess. It scared her beyond belief. It scared her even more that she could feel scared. Fear was something she had not experienced in years. She didn't like it.

She could remember a time when everything was light and she felt all emotions. She could remember a time when she was happy. But that had been a long time ago. She'd surrounded herself with the darkness for a reason. A reason that she couldn't remember, but knew was important. She couldn't feel again now. She couldn't abandon her perfect life in the darkness. She couldn't be in the light.

But, even as she fought, she was drawn towards the light and the voice that accompanied it. She was pulled against her will, dragged to the fiery glow.

Then, she was in the light, and, for a moment, she felt relieved. She felt relieved to feel again. Relieved to be out of the darkness she had fought so vehemently to stay in. Relieved to be in the light. That was until the pain flowed through her till every fiber of her being ached. Until the guilt flooded her body, making her feel as though she could cry, or scream, or vomit, or all three. Until she remembered all the reasons she had wanted to be in the darkness. All the reasons she had wanted to erase her emotions.

The darkness had shielded her from the guilt and pain of her past. The hunger had justified her actions. Simply wanting something was good enough reason to act, and the darkness kept her from feeling remorse. She had been merciless, cruel, and sadistic.

But now she was in the light. There was no darkness to protect her anymore. She hated it. She hated the darkness for letting her leave its safe embrace. She hated the light for making her feel everything she had been trying to avoid. And, most importantly, she hated Josie Saltzman for bringing her into the dreadful light.

But, then, Josie would smile and blush. Josie would look away shyly and laugh at her lame jokes. Josie would check on her when no one else thought to and keep everyone's hateful comments and actions away from her. Josie would show up at her door near midnight because Josie was sure she needed something and couldn't sleep without checking on her. Josie would bring her tea or hot cocoa when Josie knew she was upset or troubled. Josie helped her through her guilt and pain. Josie helped her thrive in the light. Josie helped her live.

So, yes, Jade hated Josie for bringing her out of her blissfully, empty, and emotionless darkness. But Jade loves Josie for bringing her into the light and making it okay to feel. Jade loves Josie for holding her and helping her. Jade loves Josie for always thinking of her. Jade loves Josie for taking care of her when she needed someone to lean on.

She loves Josie, because Josie made her human again.