"I don't deserve forgiveness. I don't deserve you"

"red wine?" Catra asked adora, smirking.
"yeah, thought I'd get the evening started. did you get the snacks?" Adora asked, to which Catra pointed to herself, which made Adora laugh the brightest smile Catra ever saw. she couldn't help but smile too. "Just kidding. they're right here" she pointed to the table next to the sofa on which she was lounging. Catra and Adora have made themselves a home in Adoras old room at brightmoon. After getting the approval of Glimmer they started decorating, refurnishing and painting the room. Their little home now had beige walls with one red and black accent wall. Their bed was not too soft and definitely too hard for every other person, but perfect for them both. Melog, even tho they always just sleep at the foot of catra and adoras bed, had their own little corner with soft pillows and some stuffed plushies to bite on.

Adora sat down next to Catra and poured each other some wine.
"here"
"thanks" Catra said, clanging her glass on Adoras.
"So how was the talk with Scorpia?"
Catra froze. "..."
"... oh no. what did she say?"
Catra hesitated, took a deep breath, and started talking
" She said that she'd forgive me."
"wait what? that's great news!" Adora tried to kiss Catra on her forhead, Catra turned her head away.
"No. It's not. Adora I'm. I'm scared."
Adora took Catras hand, to which Catra looked back at her.
"you don't have to be scared. I'm here."
"I know. I'm also scared for us."
She looked at Adora, waiting for a reply. Adora just stared at her, confused.
"You don't understand. I hurt people. I hurt you, I hurt Scorpia, I hurt Glimmer, I hurt the whole rebellion for gods sake. I hurt Loonie and Kyle and Rogelio, I hurt people I don't even know the names of. People I can't just say sorry to. And that's not even the worst thing. The people I have apologized to accepted me. I don't think I deserve that." Catra started crying.
" I don't deserve you.
I don't deserve this" she pointed at the snacks and wine in front of her.
"I don't deserve this room" she said, standing up and pointing around.
"I don't." Her crying intesified.
Adora stood up and embraced her.
"hey shh shh it's all okay. Catra, you deserve this. You deserve love. you deserve being in love and being loved.  You deserve friends. You don't need to hide yourself away because of your actions. You-"
Catra freed herself from the hug.
"See. Oh my good I'm doing it again! I'm manipulating you and everyone around me so that you feel sorry for me!" Catra sniffed hard, wiping away her tears and trying to get herself together.
"Adora, I'm scared that I will become like shadow weaver or Hordak. I'm scared that I will repeat their patterns. I don't know myself. All I ever knew was how to survive in the horde. You of all people should know." She sat down on the sofa. Adora followed her with her eyes.
"Catra, I know how you feel. I understand. and you have to realize that you will never be like them. Do you think Shadow Weaver or Hordak ever showed some remorse for their actions? do you think they went to their loved ones telling them to stay away from them? They didn't care about other people. Catra, " Adora flopped on her knees in front of Catra, taking her hands. "You have such a big heart. and so much love to give. You always had. But the oportunity to show it had been stripped away from you from a young age. If you would have showed one little bit of compassion in the horde, they would have crushed you. I know this. We both have been through it. But that is in the past. You don't have to hide anymore or build walls around you. you can show your love and your feelings. You're save. And you're loved."
Catras head feel into Adoras hands. warm tears streaming around her face, falling onto her legs. Adora started petting Catras hair, which started to outgrow her pixie cut.
Melog, who was sitting in the corner of the room this whole time, started walking to Adora, rubbing their nose against her before plumbing down right next to Adora. Both Melog and Catra started purring.
"Well, I guess I cant hide my feelings anymore." Catra said, with a light smile. Adora couldn't help but smile too.
"Catra, I love you" Adora said, kissing her forehead. Catra couldn't help but purr louder while her tail started to waggle.
"I love you too"
They both hugged and Catra couldn't help but start to cry again.
"happy tears?"
"... I don't know. It's hard."
"I know"
"I'm sorry. I don't know if I can trust myself enough."
Adora got sad.
"I'm sorry Adora. But I can't overcome this in one day."
"Hey shh I know Catra. I'm not asking this of you.  You have to take the steps yourself. no one can do that for you. but I promise to help you on your way."
"You promise?" Catra chuckled a little.
"haha yes Catra, I promise."
"Thank you."
Adora started hugging Catra even tighter.
"H-hey you're gonna crush me" Catra laughed.
They both loosened the hug and stared into each others eyes, before closing them and each meeting the others lips with their own. After some time they put their heads together, both telling the other that they love them.
they sat down back on the sofa and whispered about, nothing, the whole night long.