Payback [ON HOLD]

Chapter 11

Prepare for a major mood, and for things to get more fictional, such as what is related to the title of this book.

Well, here we go... Enjoy the old, old and probably slightly inaccurate mood music. But it's rather important to the story. You'll see in a chapter or two.

- - -

It had been one month since Timothy broke up with Lillian. And, unfortunately... this day was the day that had been intended to mark one year of their being together. The day he'd genuinely confessed to her. How wonderful.

Everyone expected her to have moved on by now. But you don't love a boy for three years, eleven months of which were spent with him, then easily let it go, turn it off. Love didn't work that way. Especially first loves.

The only one that wasn't pushing Lillian to move on was Mary Hamilton, Timothy's little sister. She patiently listened to Lilly rant on and on about her pain, anger, emptiness... and all she did was continue to be supportive. It was refreshing. And so, so uplifting.

There were so many moments haunting her: mid-crying fit the night of the break-up when she'd pulled out her phone and texted Timothy by default, begging to know why he'd done it, why he'd fallen out of love with her enough to break up with her. The day after, when her sister Lizzy asked her about the kiss Timothy had apparently blown when he'd paused before walking away. All the signs she'd seen but ignored. All the good times... All the promises.

Speaking of promises, Lillian had clung to keeping the promise ring on her finger until the last, hopeless tear fell on that night that felt so long ago. Then she'd gently slipped it off her finger and hid it away in the drawer of her nightstand, taking it out again days later now and again during particularly emotional moments, gently slipping it back onto her finger once again only to cry.

Life felt empty and close to meaningless nowadays. Lillian just floated like a ghost through the motions of her life; she was numb, yet still somehow so, so hurt. Nothing made sense.

Life felt so meaningless and painful sometimes, that Lilly actually considered ending it. But never too seriously, and never for too long. She always ended up rolling her eyes at herself and scolding herself. So many of her friends alone had it so much worse than she did; she had no right. None.

The only things keeping her mostly sane were her friends, her break-up songs playlist on YouTube that she'd started long before she could wholly relate, Wattpad, and The Selection by Kiera Cass. And Miraculous memes.

Wattpad was the most interesting in how it was helping by far, as a matter of fact. The amazing stories helped, of course, but it wasn't just that anymore.

There were a lot of people she had fun talking to on Wattpad, but... it was somehow so easy to talk to this person.

Lillian had only just followed them a week ago, not thinking much of it but that they seemed nice, and they had an awesome username: Mark05IronMan. (She wasn't uncultured or insane, of course. Lilly was a Marvel fan.) But, by day two, they'd started interacting on each-other's Message Boards and stories. A few days later, they (the person didn't feel comfortable sharing their gender on the internet, for whatever reason) offered their PMs to Lillian if she ever needed to talk, and for the first time, she actually did. They were already beginning to talk together on a daily basis, and it was fun. The perfect distraction.

     Unfortunately, she refused to let herself give into it completely. She didn't have a choice really, not anymore. As long as she was going to commit to keeping her friendship with Timothy together, that is. And she wasn't planning on letting go; he meant far too much to her.

     In all honesty, it was still a daily battle to not think about how much she still loved him and move on oh-so-slowly. But even her urge to fight it crumbled whenever he dropped his cold, defensive facade and said something sweet. What really ruined her, though, was when he inevitably had to explain to her time and time again that his feelings were still unchanged: he didn't love her. Not the way she desperately — pitifully — wanted him to.

     But, no matter how many times he accidentally hurt her, she just had to hold on. She was one of the few people that knew what very real mental pains he went through, and she cared for him too much not to stay and be his friend. No matter how much it hurt her sometimes.

     Just seeing his face set her back to that first night of absolute heartbreak. Tears. Devotion. And it was so sad.

     She just wanted to hate him. She wanted to hate him with all her being, but she couldn't. She just couldn't bring herself to do it. Why? Because she still loved him. Maybe not as much as she had when he didn't hate her, but it was absolutely still there, whether she liked it or not.

     If I could just hate him, it would make everything easier. But I can't, I can't. Not after I made the decision to be his friend. But how will I ever get over him if I just can't stop loving him?

     The thought made Lilly moan and bury her face in her new butterfly pillow. How the thing could be so soft and comforting was a mystery to her, but it was.

     It was the weekend, which meant when she wasn't with her family or doing homework, Lillian had way too much time on her hands to think, and — in all honesty — sulk. It was incredibly aggravating, but she couldn't help it. And, if she could, she had no idea how.

     "Lilly?" a young voice asked timidly, coming from the direction of the doorway. Lillian lifted her head just enough to acknowledge her little brother, cocking her head and raising her eyebrows to prompt him to continue. Her voice was far too hoarse to use at the moment.

     "Mommy told me to come get you because Ria's here," he finished simply before running off. Coming to tell her that had probably taken him from one of his video games; Lilly rolled her eyes and smiled at the thought. He was probably going to rot his brain out one of those days.

     Rising slowly from her bed for fear of a head rush, Lillian called in the general direction of the stairs, "Mama, can you let Ria in? I'll be down in a sec!"

     Ria's stop in felt too short. She made everything feel not as bad for a little while with her laugh and crazy stories. But then she left, and the happiness slowly faded away.

     Weeks slipped by in quiet torment. Soon enough, two months. And, somewhere in there, Timothy told her he wanted to cut off contact; Lilly agreed. Not long after that, Lillian's parents had p to take her and her siblings out of public school and started homeschooling them. And she knew it was partly because of her. She knew her parents were concerned with how hard she was taking this, how often they could probably hear her muffled sobs drifting from her room, how hard a time she was having letting go.

     But Lillian had always had that problem. Letting go. And he'd said... he'd said... he wanted to marry her. Have a life together. They'd even agreed on a name for their first girl. And Lilly had pictured it all a million times: walking down the aisle; holding Violet for the first time in the hospital, Timothy by her side while they both cried happily; leaning on each-other even when their hair turned grey...

     You didn't just get over all that in a few little months.

     Today was one of those days when the now-muffled pain wasn't so muffled. This was a kind of bad day. Lillian felt alone, isolated. And, today, it felt like it was all his fault.

     That's when Lillian made the decision.

     She was goin to make Timothy Daniel Hamilton pay.

     She didn't know how, she didn't know when.

     But, at this point, payback was inevitable.

- - -

To those of you deeply concerned, know that if this were written in the present, Lilly would be feeling much, much better than she was in this chapter. Just a lil ray of hope for you there, and lowkey a spoiler lol. But whatever.

Sorry for being so daaaark :)