delicate memories (one-shot)

delicate memories

To kind of see the feelings they have, these lyrics in Gale Song by The lumineers fit it well:

So when you hear my voice
And when you say my name
May it never give you pain
'Cause I don't wanna go
But it's time to leave
You'll be on my mind, my destiny

-

Camila's not sure what made her make the trip. Maybe it was Dinah's persistence. Or her parents' concern. Maybe her want to end the chapter. Or the guilt. Probably the guilt.

When Camila left she didn't plan on leaving for long. In fact she only planned on meeting Dinah in California and staying in a hotel for a week or two then coming back after collecting her thoughts. But every time she thought about the way Lauren whispered her name with confusion or she remembered the way Lauren's body started to shake when Camila tried to touch her she didn't buy the plane tickets.

So she never went back. She abandoned what she had there, including her journal and books and everything else she didn't take with her. Photos, clothes, and all things related she neglected. She didn't think she would have the strength to go back, and if they sold the apartment she once shared with Lauren they'd send her it all. Or she'd pick it up when it was empty or in the hallway.

But they never called or contacted her. Lauren's parents stopped calling after the first month, her mother Clara sent Camila one last text.

To Camila,
Lauren is confused about you. But you said you didn't want us to tell her about you, so we will respect that with deepest sadness and disappointment. Lauren is keeping the apartment as she made the choice to do so. We hope you change your mind. We know this can't be easy. We know you love her as much as we do, but it is your choice evidently. A text would be nice but we will not push you. If you choose to move on, I wish you happiness as we rebuild as a family even if that means leaving out your story with her. Thank you for loving her for as long as you have, even if you no longer want to see her. She has forgotten your name, but I hope she never forgets that feeling of love.
-Clara Jauregui.

Camila decided to never respond and instead spent the next three years reading over it to the point where she could recite it.

She dove head first into music. She erased her past, deleted her Instagram and Twitter. Deleted as much as could to avoid people bringing up Lauren's name. Camila knew it would be too much on either end. But as much she tried to run, she felt empty. Therapist after therapist, something never felt right. And she knew her heart was set after something else. Even with the YouTube channel becoming popular and the record label and the stages, she felt sad.

But now she was rolling a suitcase down the airport to an Uber. Her hand tightly wrapped around the apartment key she kept in her sock drawer despite never going back.

Camila sighs as she watches Miami go past the window. Every time she returned home for holidays she always took opposite roads to avoid driving past the apartment, now here she was purposely driving that direction. She hadn't told anyone, not even Dinah, and she liked it that way. If things felt worse she'd just never talk about it again.

When the uber pulls up Camila thanks him and gets out. Anxiously she grips her suitcase. Camila's hand shakes as she prays the front door key still works. Even standing there things come back. The drunk nights, early morning getting coffee, first time moving in and everything in between. Her heart burns at the feelings she locked away.

Camila takes the elevator to the third floor. She wipes her palms on her sweatshirt and makes her way down the long hallway. She stands in front of the doorway at last. For a minute she just looks at the number on the door. She swallows the lump in her throat and hesitantly knocks, cringing at the sound. This wasn't her home anymore.