The sun

Empty....empty is the only emotion I felt. My feet dragging on the pavemented floor. Drowning out any other sound, just me the bridge and vast emptiness of a morning.

A slight drizzle starts tapping on my sweater. Adding on to my dragging feet. My thoughts were scrambled, heart stopped beating but, I was still alive. Moving.

I felt dead all the others were alive and well, in perfect condition. Never even had a glimpse of me In their thoughts the, girl in the yellow cardigan. Never crossed their mind because I'm not important to them. I am just a void filler I'm just there, physically. But, mentally I'm everywhere.

My mind skates around each person studying their faces. Reading whatever was going through their mind. Worried that someone is sad or feeling un-well. I wanted to cure that, so people wouldn't be sad.

When someone felt sad I would collect their sadness to stack on mine. They don't deserve to have this burning hole that hurts them. They are supposed to be perfect good happy. But one boy, just makes my emotionless self, emotional.

He makes me laugh he makes me giggle he's the one I have to protect out of everyone. He's my little sun the one he keeps my heartless body running. He's the only reason why I feel happy, excited, joyful...loved.

I can never get that from anyone else because no else cares. No one else cares about me. Because, I'm not a simple perfect 2+2 I'm a division problem that goes on and on it's not perfect.

No one can seem to figure it out, it goes on and on. Till you just get tired of it, and give up cause you know it's not gonna end. The math problem can continue on and on but, I can't. It's hard enough dealing with what goes on at home.

Dad gets drunk mom gets mad because, she can't deal with the bills and my dad. She struggles to even be happy anymore. My parents don't have time or the effort to show me that they love me.

That's why I take walks. Walks anywhere else other than the place I'm supposed to call home. It's a place where I'm supposed to feel safe and happy at. But, I can't be happy there if no one else can.

That's why I'm here on the bridge at 3 am. My mom already struggles enough trying to find money for me. It's something dads magic can't make appear. So what if she wouldn't have to pay for me.

What if she didn't have to worry about another mouth to feed other than her own. What if she didn't have to worry. What if no one else had to think or waste one brain cell on me.

What if everyone one could live peacefully without me. I stoped dragging my feet, ruining my train of thought. I looked at the other side of the bridge....we would all be happy. I pull my self to the wet stone ledge.

Laughing and smiling at the thought of everyone being happy I could finally relax. Not having to worry about others, others not having to worry about me. I pull my self up on to the stone ledge. Feeling the drizzle turn into rain the sound making me swoon.

I sigh knowing happiness is on its way. I lift one leg out waving it in the empty air before me. Feeling the freedom I could have right now. Thinking about how much happiness this could give to the world made me smile.

I stand on the ledge opening my eyes to see the last of this world. Knowing I'm leaving it better than it was before. I slip both feet off and I'm flying, the air breezing past me.

The air cold and crisp. The bridge a mere memory. The air seemed like a blanket to me. The happiness I felt was terrestrial till I was caught. I guess it was too good to be true.