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Disillusion

Behind every exquisite thing that existed, there is always something tragic

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(iwaizumi) 07:38 Saturday

          As I woke from the comforting state of slumber I felt the warm beams of sunlight leaking into the room through the small crack between the curtains that failed to cover the window in Tooru's bedroom. I opened my eyes and sat up. I quickly grabbed my phone and checked the time while yawning.

07:40 Saturday, March 27th

I sighed. the school year was almost over.

And soon he'll be out of the firm grasp that I've had on him all these years.

             I froze at that thought. Where would he go to college? Would we be separated? I felt a lump form in my throat as I sighed and tried to shake those thoughts away. I turned my head to look at Oikawa who was currently sleeping peacefully his eyelashes resting on his soft, pale skin. Before I realized it my hand moved as though to cup his face. I paused retracting my hand. I frowned slightly.

how does this loser look so peaceful when he sleeps..

             I stared at him for a moment before removing the blanket thrown over my lower half hoping to leave the room. I sighed, one of his arms was draped over my lap, our legs intertwined. I knew he moved a lot in his sleep, so it didn't really come as a surprise to me to know that he had snuggled up to me during the night. I had been planning on letting him sleep, but now I would end up waking him up either way. He began to stir for a moment, taking this as an opportunity I spoke.

"Hey, Trashykawa wake up!!" I exclaimed loudly causing him to suddenly jump. Being scared out of his sleepy state. He quickly turned his head to look at me before pouting as he does so often.

"Iwa-chan!! I was already half awake you didn't need to scare me like that!!" he whined. god I hate his voice.

'lie'

I sighed. not sure what was going on with my inner dialogue. it wasn't a lie. I hate his voice. I hate his stupid pretty face. I hate how he's taller than me. I hate how clingy he is. I hate him.

'Stop lying idiot.. you know that's not true. its almost sad how disillusioned you are. you clearly li-'

         Nope not doing that right now. I stopped the train of thought. Oikawa untangled our legs quickly looking down after removing his arm from my lap. he stood up and stretched. He then walked over to his window and pulled the curtains open. I groaned and stood up before exiting his room to head to the washroom.

"Hello iwaizumi-kun"

"good morning Mrs. Oikawa." I yawned in response to Tooru's mother. I'd known this woman for many years. Ever since I had first met Tooru when we were kids she'd been there.

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09:36

I picked up my phone checking the time before turning it off and looking at Tooru he had his glasses on and was sitting on the floor near me with his knees pulled to his chest. His chin resting on his knees as he contently watched the movie that was on the television. I rolled my eyes remembering what we were watching. He'd begged me to watch 'E.T.' with him. the movie was juvenile on all levels and the alien in it was very fake looking. I had no clue why he liked it so but I sat through it with him yet again.

I owed him this much, last night we had watched Godzilla which he didn't like that much so I couldn't really complain. I turned my attention back to the Tv for a moment before looking back to Tooru. His awful bedhead irritated me. How he had been too lazy to put in his contacts irritated me as well.

'Why are you always lying? he looks adorable like this dumba-'

I quickly shook my head. I don't know what's going on with these thoughts that keep coming to me but I can't help but feel myself fall into a state of disillusion. I'm not being honest with myself. I know what's going on.  I just can't seem to accept it no matter how hard I try. alas there's nothing I can do. I'll bury these unwanted feelings deep and never let them see over these walls I built so high. though they were crumbling, I could fix them!

..right?

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word count: 755