'Twas the Night Before Homestuck

'Twas the night before Gristmas, when all through the meteor
not a Pesterchum was stirring, not any of the media.
The stockings were hung by the Alchemizer with care,
in hopes that Gamzee Clause soon would be there.

The teenagers were nestled all snug in their beds,
while visions of tentabulges danced in their heads.
And Equius with his milk, and I in my hat,
had just settled in recuperacoon's for a long winter's nap.

When out of the computer there arose such a clatter,
  We sprang from our slime to see what was the matter.
Away to the screen I flew like a flash,
turned on the computer, and looked at the dash.

The files on the screen were a-set a new glow
gave the image of a man that all people know,
and what to my wondering eyes should appear,
but a miniature sleigh and eight tiny reindeer.

With a little old driver, who stopped for a pause,
I knew in a moment it must be Gamzee Clause.
More rapid than eagles, he alchemized in,
and he shouted the names in a voice oh so thin:

"Now John! Now Jake!
Now, Dave and Jade!
On, Rose! On, Roxy!
On, Dirk and Jane!
To the top of the roof!
To the top of the wall!
Now dash away! Dash away!
Dash away all!"

As dry leaves from outside swirl up and fly,
came when met with the obstacle out of the sky
so away from the machine the coursers they flew,
with the sleigh full of toys, and Gamzee Clause too.

And then, in a twinkling, like a parody spoof
the prancing and pawing of each little hoof.
As I drew in my breath and was turning around,
  Drunk as a sailor Gamzee Clause came with a bound.

He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his toe,
and his clothes were all shiny and glittered with snow.
A bundle of toys he had flung on his back,
and he looked like a hobo just opening his pack.

His eyes--how they twinkled! His dimples, how merry!
His cheeks were like Aradia's, his smile just like Feferi!
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a snapped bow,
and the beard on his chin was as white as the snow.
The pan full of pie he held tight in his teeth,
and the smell it encircled his nose like a wreath.
He had a broad face and a little flat belly,
that tensed when he laughed, like a 6-pack of jelly.

He was gangly and tall, like a human potato,
and I laughed when I saw him, then like a tomato
With a wink of his eye I turned the colour of lime shred
and he soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread.

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
and filled all the stockings, then turned with a jerk.
And laying his finger aside of his nose,
and giving a HoNk back to the alchemizer he rose.

He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,
And away they all went like a meteor or missile.
But I heard him exclaim, 'ere he disappeared out of sight,

"MeRrY gRiStMaS tO aLl, AnD tO aLl A gOoD NiGhT!"