Some people keep their baggage a secret. Welp...why? Oh right.
To not have people worry over them.
I used to do that until recently when I started to speak out to friends, having those deep ass coversations at 3 in the morning when they are tired and I am In tears, but bearing my souls secrets because I trust them.
Anxiety is terrible. I've never done anything right. I mess up everything.
I redo everything to the point I will start shaking with fear of never making it good enough. Depression sucks worse. There are days where honestly I consider why not grabbing a few pills, or a knife, or just filling the tub. All because I can't handle getting ready in the morning due to the utter most worse fear of self consiousness.
Living honestly is a nightmare...but I still do it, and I dont know why.
There are 3-
no nearly 2 days until Christmas.
I have gone through 6 rolls of wrapping paper because its never right...and it sucks.
I never sleep sometimes just because of fears.
Because at night they all come alive at night.
Some people think that I am afraid of the dark...no its what I make, and think about then...its honestly scary.
I scare myself way too much.
Whats worse about all this is, I still keep it in with most. Just because I am scared.
Well bye.
Have a good holiday.
I lurv ya.
