Him

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by nutellaphrodite

by nutellaphrodite

CHAPTER 3

We started as classmates, had to share our homeworks, eventually pieces of our lives. We became friends, Those endless phone calls, jokes, surprises, sweet words, not to mention the food, me cooking for you and vice versa. HA! I tried to read your mixed signals..... Almost all of us thought that we were together, well I had to admit that I had thought of it too, we had the "More than friends, but less than lovers" kind of relationship. We were almost there baby, almost there. but you left me hanging. You screwed everything! Or did I?

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Dear Peter,

Why did you have to leave me? You can, I know but why? Of all the people whom I thought, that would never leave by my side, why you? I thought you were the one. I thought there was an us. Many have been trying to comfort me, because of you, and you know what I did? I just ignored them, laughed at them either and pretended that everything is alright. But if you want to know the truth, HELL ! I am so miserable right now. You know half of me darling. And I''d be lying if I said that I didn't love you. As a matter of fact, I still am. Remember the half a heart song? Definitely. That was our song, my dear. Everyone was expecting form us baby, they thought that we will be together officially. But life seemed to fuck everything? what have I done? Did I expect too much? Am I too fast? Are you scared? Because you can't handle me? From what baby? Please.Wait. Did you know that because of you, I tried to change. I started to smile, the real smile that came from my heart, my eyes was filled with sparkle again, I started to eat, I started to fix my broken life. But then you left me. Youi left me crushing. Needless to say, you know my feelings about you. You know what have I been through, my problems, and everything. And that's why it hurts even more. You know that I was fragile and vulnerable. You know that I am trying to fix myself, but then you ended up crushing it even more. It's like throwing a flower vase then crushing it with hammer.. again and again. And now we are strangers once again. You keep pretending that none of those happened to us.

I just want you to know that I am not mad at you. I am mad at myself for making me believe that you were for me, and we were destined for each other. That, you came into my life to be a helping hand to fix me. But I was definitely wrong. I was so stupid for letting you into my life. But baby, I just want you to know that I still love you, and I am blaming myself for all this misery. Once again darling, I love you and I think I would let time change that because no one could ever replace you.

With All My Love,

Margarette

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I stared at my letter. For him. Of course I would never send that letter to him. It would be a ridiculous move to send it to him. I am tearing down, once again, as I try to read my letter again and again. It's filled with too much emotion. I feel naked whenever I real it. Like I am showing my everything to him. I really, really love him.

Although ours wasn't a happily ever after, it doesn't mean that I am ungrateful. I am really thankful that he entered into my life (though my letter somewhat says no) because I have never felt so alive before. Maybe because he gave me the love, care and attention that I had never recieved from anyone.

and I will always love him for that. even if time passes by, he will always have a special place in my heart.