15 Restraint
I had seen Vlad hold himself in restraint many times. Yet I still haven't a clue as to why. He would seem to want to be close to me or near me and when he is he seems aware and rigid. Once he was close to even kissing me anyone would think. Yet he ended up falling back.
Whatever is going through Vlad's mind is a mystery to me. Does he care for me the way I care for him? From nearly kissing me and also he apparently has dreams of me, I would say so. Yet he has no way of reasoning with his secrets. I remember, fear, and even cherish these moments for what they could have been and not what his restraint made happen.
I once remember coming into the game room after taking a shower. Henry rushed into the shower after me.
I sat down and glanced at Vlad as he slept in his sleeping bag. He then suddenly sat up straight, screaming my name. I turned to him, letting my towel fall from my hair. I repeated calling his name is return and he turned to me. He attacked me with a hug in a second. He held me tightly to him and spoke into my ear.
"You're still alive. I thought I had killed you!" He sobbed into my shoulder at the thought. I shoved him off of me and he released me. I held his face in my hands and pleaded into his eyes.
"What is wrong? Are you okay?" He reached up and caressed my hands between his hand and his face.
"Yes." He whispered and I felt his breath on my palm. He seemed to feel complete sorrow at whatever he was thinking. I smiled and told him I was happy he was okay. As I smiled I closed my eyes, a full smile for me. I felt him release my hand and find my own face. He held my face in his hands as I had his. I opened my eyes to find him leaning forward at a rate faster than when he almost kissed me all those weeks ago.
In his eyes I saw he was completely settled on really kissing me this time. I actually felt his lips just barely touch mine. Feeling as if an insect had landed and bite into you. Non-existent as they touch you then the feeling after they are gone.
His lips didn't touch mine; it was his breath I felt. Yet he still stopped and I felt him drop his head onto my shoulder.
He had suddenly gone from sorrow and regret at a dream of my death to a need to kiss me. He resisted once again, leaving me with nervous lips, a racing heart, and a thoughtful mind.
I also recall another day, one where my patience blew up and I demanded the secret. He couldn't keep these things from me anymore. Otis had said it was in my future, and Henry believes I am strongly involved. Yet why bother to hide it from me?
I stood and started out the door, aggravated when he once again refused. He called out my name and pulled on my wrist. He stood behind me, holding my hand. I started to step back to him but felt he was already right behind me. He squeezed my hand tightly and again his head rested on my shoulder.
"Mina..." at his voice pleading my name I couldn't leave. I stayed and forgot about the secret. If he asks me to how can I refuse? When twisted every way what answer can one give? Am I to risk this life to win a chance to live? Can I betray the man who still inspires my voice? Will I become his pray? Do I have any choice? Will I just run away, or risk it stay?