When Life Gets Hard, Find A Smile!!!

some times the kindest people are the most misunderstood...

many people have gone through alot worse trying to get out..., You really are a lucky one..you know?., One thing i've descovered, is that sometimes you can't Understand your feelings till you make trouble, and get hurt. Sometimes we don't know how we feel Untill we're at are worst, Then *Smiled* it all becomes clear. You can rebel against whats pure but then when you find yourself filthy, you start to long for the veary thing you turned away from. You have to know gentleness to feel pain, Just as you only notice the darkness if you have the sun, You can't underestimate either., cause everything has it's perpious., so even if you screw up some times it's never for nothing., as long as you make sure you recognize that, Those mistakes will nerish you, and help you grow even stronger *Smiled Brightly* at lest, thats my theory. heh...
and here i am, determained to make myself better...For you. even if it means leaving my old life behind. *laughed nervously* stupid right?., and you know, I didn't learn anything till i got hurt...But that just proves you can't judge a book by it's cover, heh.
It's embarassing to think about how much i balled trying to pull up the cerage to tell you this...
and if you somehow aren't around anymore, i know you left great things behind, your words, your feelings, and best of all..*Rubbed her stomach*...a new life..*Smiled, tearing up* e-even if you n-never g-get to s-see it..Dear _ _ _ _ _.

just think about it, if every time you opened your mouth someone snickered at you..no matter what you said...
that'd make me sad.

I don't believe being weak should be concidered a good thing, but, i don't think stronger always means better, you've probably heard of "Survival of the fitest" in the animal kingdom..the thing is,.. We're Humans, Not animals, That goes for all of us. and yea.. We are.
The most inportant thing you can learn is to love who you are, find something good about yourself and look to it when your feeling down, if you hate yourself, how will others apresiat you for who you are, Self Love is the most inportant Love we have i hope of everything you know, you remember this one...

well here i was.., i truely hated myself, i was so lost, so i'm not sure what i said is actually right.., what does "Self love" even mean?.. how do we begin to find something good about ourselfs when we're trapped in darkness, the whole reason we dispise ourself is because we can only see the parts we hate. so forcing ourselfs to find good things about ourselfs, seems pointless, like we'd just be making them up. it's a nice sentament yes but..thats not how life works. insted, i think it's when someone else says they love you that your finally able to start loving yourself, when someone truely accepts who you are, thats when you can truely start to forgive yourself, and suddenly see the good things you had all along. even at the cost of others.. and realizing that, made me..yes..yes, it made me glad.
even if they hate me, even if we can never be friends or meet half way, even if they keep ignoring me, i have to change. i need to. yeah...No more being silent!!..say..what..you..feel. because, Even the Kindest person can be the most misunderstood. can they not?., it's not like i've suddenly become stronger, or did anything to change really, my body still trembles, but, i'll keep facing my mental fears, whats important is, that my weakness inspires me, to inprove., and it's good to help eachother out when we face problems.

the nerve to stay alive, thats what takes real curage.,...whats wrong with having the nerve to live?. isn't that what makes us human?, sure sometimes we get lost, we cry, or worry, or we're afriad, but we feel joy to. whats the point in the end tho?, cause when we look at our lives, we can't find a single reason for us to have ever been born.., but maybe the point of living is to find that reason, somewhere deep down, we must be looking for that perpous, we might not ever realize it, but our hearts are searching, i think, that none of us are born with some predetermand reasons to be alive in this world, because your reason for living is something you need to dicide or discover for yourself, and i think, everyone is different, maybe you'll find meaning in a dream, or a job you really love, or maybe, maybe that reason is another person. sometimes that perpous might feel uncertant, or unstable, you might even lose your reason.,but as long as your alive, and you keep looking, you'll find another one., and i get it know, cause i'm looking for the same thing myself,and my big hope is, that it's another person., or rather, People. i wanna live, for the sake of others, not myself, thats why, i think...it's ok to have that nerve to keep on living, because if you have the nerve to live, you *Smiled* you just might meet that person who's your reason to embrace life, the one who wants you to be your reason to., and i wonder if someone like me, will find what i'm talking about, and i hope i do one day, and yes, i agree with myself -w-;;;. and it'd be nice if i could live, for someone else.