Boarded Windows

Faded Jeans

Peeling her eyes open Annalee rolled over and yawned stretching her body the length of the bed. The smell of strawberry shampoo wafted past her nose and she felt secure. Knowing she could start her day in a cleaner house made her surprisingly exultant. She swung her legs over the side and sat for a moment reflecting on her previous day before grabbing the glasses-her glasses she told herself off the nightstand and slid them up the bridge of her nose. As what seemed customary by now she still flinched at the clarity that ensued putting on her glasses. Getting to her feet she trudged sleepily to the dresser and looked inside at the freshly laundered clothing. It was all still either too worn or too small but they were clean and in her book that’s all that counted at the moment. She chose a pair of old pants that were worn enough to fit but not to the point that it was noticeable and a gray sweatshirt to keep out the chill that had been approaching the last couple weeks as summer became fall in Shannon. After taking a pit stop to the bathroom she walked downstairs and outside to the mailbox. It was today that all the state checks came in and she didn’t want to miss the mailman afraid he would pass her up and give them to someone more deserving than her. He was a few houses down meaning he had already dropped off her mail so she opened the door to the box and pulled out the envelopes. She quickly read through them taking stock and content they were all there she bustled back inside.

Her father was on disability for the seventeen years following her mother’s death and had had Annalee do all his bookwork which had proved to be a lucky advantage for her after he died. This made it easy for her to continue using his checks and surviving at the house on her own. She simply forged her checks from the house mailed it to the bank then used his checkbook to pay for any bills that were mailed to her. It was unusual circumstances but since her father had very rarely left the house he set it up in his favor to be able to do everything via mail. Deciding she should get the bills and money out of the way sooner rather than later she sat at the kitchen table and filled out all the necessary paperwork shoving it into envelopes and labeling them appropriately. Standing from the tedious work she stretched, grabbed the envelopes and took them to sit on the stand she had emptied the previous day next to the door. After taking a quick shower and drying with a freshly laundered towel she re-donned the outfit she was wearing earlier and headed back downstairs to take the mail out to the box and go for a walk. She needed to find out how to find food and stuff like shampoo and laundry detergent. Maybe a few little homey things to brighten up the house would be nice.

Exiting the house Annalee put the mail into the box and raised the flag before traveling down the familiar route towards the park. She walked much slower today afraid that she would overload her senses again while wearing her new glasses. Thankfully she seemed to be the only one that walked around this neighborhood because the only thing she ever ran into were cars. She didn’t believe human contact would be very easy right now for her. The only people she ever knew where her father and mother. Her mother for only two years, and her father for all nineteen. The thought of meeting new people made her stomach clench and her hands sweat. What would they think of her? An uneducated nineteen year old girl with no prospects and basically terrified of life? She couldn’t handle the disappointment or unhappiness she would bring to someone else’s life like she did her father. Shaking away all her bad feelings she focused on walking down the street without getting run over today. She was looking in all the windows as she walked by. All of them seemed to be residential, no-where to get food. This made her nervous she was close to the park now and she had never gone past it. If she didn’t find food before then she wasn’t sure she was strong enough to venture further into the city. She hated herself at that moment. How could she be so scared? If she had made it out of the house sooner she would have crawled right back terrified of the surrounding she knew nothing about. Food meant life or death but she was willing to go without because it was too close to other people-real people that she didn’t have the guts to do it? It was disgusting and she realized it. How would she ever love herself, much less the any other human being? It was time she took control of her life to learn about the world that was hidden from her for nineteen years. Annalee got to the corner were the park stood and strode past a determined expression on her face she would not stop she would not turn back and above all she would not be afraid.