Starlight |Neville Longbottom|

~Chapter Three~

"You know what, when you stop hating yourself so much, come and talk to me Starla. I think you are a lovely girl, but I can't make you think that about yourself." Neville's words echoed through my head all day. I couldn't focus on classes, conversation, and I just didn't feel hungry all of my brain was just focusing on the answer I got back the previous night.

To be honest, I don't know how I feel. It's like a mixture of embarrassment, guilt, and sadness all wrapped into one. . . Thinking about it, it's how I always feel. I guess it's just me.

"Come on Starla," Stephen groaned while slapping me across the back of my neck, "Stop moping around and do something about it!"

"Alright number one, OUCH! And number two, Neville said he doesn't want to talk to me until I love myself, whatever that means."

"I think he just wants to see you not put yourself down so much," Stephen suggested.

"I don't understand why he is so hellbent on being my friend," I sighed.

"Why are YOU so hellbent on being his friend?" Stephen asked, "Starla, sometimes people are just friendly. I don't understand why you have to have such a crisis when people show interest in you."

"Me, having a crisis?" I laughed, "Well at least I don't get so obsessed whenever anybody talks to me."

"What's that supposed to mean Starla?" Stephen countered.

"Every single time you make a new friend that's all you talk about! It's like I don't exist anymore," I shot back.

"Oh Merlin, are you dramatic!" Stephen yelled, "If anybody gets obsessed, it's you! I mean god you haven't stopped talking about how Neville said you hate yourself."

"Well, I'm sorry that I was trying to talk to you about what's going on in my life," I ranted.

"I don't need to know every single detail though," Stephen jeered, "Heaven forbid I don't have to hear about every second of your day."

"You know what Stephen," I cried, "I'm so done with you right now!"

"Yeah," he mocked, "I'm so done with you right now too."

"Piss off!" I screamed.

"Whatever, leave me alone," he screamed back.

I pivoted on my heels and ran as fast as I could to the girl's dorm because I did know one thing about my brother, he never goes in the girls dorm and I just wanted to be alone."

That night I fell asleep still in my robes, without dinner, and crying.

When I woke up the next morning, my head was pounding and I felt slightly nauseous from hunger but I decided to just go ahead with my day. Might as well get it over with.

So I started out with breakfast, like every other kid at Hogwarts, where I sat at my normal spot, but felt like a million miles away.

Then when I moved onto my classes, I quietly took notes and made sure I did not look to my right to see my brother. I felt his stare on the side of my face but I still ignored it. When I actually met his gaze for just a split second in transfiguration, I saw something in his eyes that I didn't see yesterday. Guilt. But because I am stubborn and I have to prove my point always, I shook it off and moved on with my day.

Soon a week had passed by without talking to Stephen and I was lonely today the least.

You see, most people would just talk to another friend when they are angry with their best friend, but my problem is that Stephen is not only my twin, but he has been my only friend at Hogwarts. Like since we got here.

I have a this thing where I have an issue allowing myself to have good things in my life. It's a problem. I realize it, but I also have a hard time reaching out. However, I decided to reach out for once.

The next Thursday after my fight with Stephen I decided to talk to Neville again. He was the only person I could think of and I figured I had an okay chance of this working out in my favor.

I found him sitting in the common room at what is becoming "our table"... I mean it's the only place we really talk.

"Hey," I said while sitting down in my chair, "Listen, I know I've messed up. I'm messed up. I don't love myself enough and you are right, but I really need a friend right now. Can we talk?"

Neville looked up from the book he was reading and said, "Yeah, do you want to go somewhere?"

"Here is fine," I smiled.

"What's going on Starla?" He asked, bookmarking his page and looking up.

"I messed up," I choked out. This whole week, I had avoided the whole waterfall of tears but the walls came crashing down now.

Neville got up and moved his chair to beside me, "Can I give you a hug? You look like you need one."

I nodded my head and he wrapped his arms around me. "Shh, shhh," he soothed, "it's all going to work out in the end."

"Do you think Stephen will ever forgive me?" I asked.

"I think he would be a fool to not forgive you," he explained, "He is your brother and he loves you. Plus he is just as much to blame about the argument."

"Neville, do you forgive me?" I questioned while pulling myself out of the hug.

"I was never angry with you," he smiled.

"Then why have you been ignoring me?"

"Starla, when I look at you , I see a girl who is holding herself back. I was trying to help you grow. I thought that letting you think by yourself, without me bothering you, that you might see that too," he explained.

"Thank you," I wiped my tears.

"Don't mention it. Now seriously, go talk to Stephen," Neville laughed, "I mean it go!"

So I took Neville's advice as I made my way up the stairs of the boys dormitories, ready for whatever argument would come my way.