When I did confront him, he thought as if I would act the same. It was quite embarrassing if you ask me, though I'm not one to judge. After all, I DID roleplay with him. Unwillingly, though I had to fake my kindness either way.
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Previously, I had told my friend about what he did for the first time, and that was what brought me back to messaging the one person that I hated the most in my life. They had been sending them rude messages (that were in all forms justified), though he didn't appreciate it. He was quick to defend himself as someone who called themselves innocent. That's what one of my friends told me as a response to his messages.
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I tried my best to seem like I wasn't involved so he wouldn't go straight to muting me. The whole point was to let him know how much he hurt me anyway. Though, I didn't think he would actually justify his rape by calling it a smut roleplay. It wasn't even consensual. I said I was crying, he couldn't even take the hint. He basically said he'd only rape someone if it was for smut... okay.
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He then made an excuse by saying that his brother treated him badly. For anyone that doesn't understand, THAT DOES NOT JUSTIFY YOUR RAPE FANTASY. My sister did not like me growing up and she has yet to actually appreciate me, but that does not fix the damage you've done to a twelve y/o. You can't just ask someone not to attack you when you've done the most harm.
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It seemed like I acted harsh, but it was so frustrating how he asked me to give him another chance despite he other 5 I gave him. It was probably more. I was not having his empty apologies, so of course I had to do something. People like him shouldn't get away with nasty things like that.
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Yet... He has the audacity to say something like that to me? Someone who avoided getting him reported so he wouldn't get mad? He didn't even know my real age. This was so... frustrating. I hated every second of this. I still stand by my words, to not apologize if they don't mean it.
But apparently I'm a bitch for speaking my voice. Apparently I'm in the wrong for wanting this burden off my shoulders. I AM IN THE WRONG for being guilt tripped, raped, manipulated, and confused by and because of you. It's my fault. My. Fucking. Fault.
. . . After posting this, I'll be taking a short break off of most of my social medias. The fear of backlash from posting this and the stress of what's been going on doesn't help my mental state after I had just brought it back up after having such a bad low. Thank you for reading this if you did, and please make sure to stay safe and avoid this person at all costs.
Remember that you are loved and valid. Don't ever let someone walk all over you like this, it's not okay. You deserve better love. Please protect yourself and make sure that you're talking to the right kinds of people.
