"
I just remember thinking... "oh shoot" before i hit the ground.
You know, when you're on the verge of dying, you don't see your life flashing before your eyes.
No.
You just think "i'm falling".
Later on, when i woke up obviously, i was told i had a grave disease.
Not so much time to live now.
Well it happens when you don't say what's wrong with your body.
What disease you ask? Mmh.. i don't know actually.
Not that they didn't tell me, they surely did, just that i chose not to remember it.
Anyway.
You know when people are close to dying they want to do a lot of things.
That's what they say in movies, don't know if that's true tho.
But my relatives seemed to think it was.
They all tried to cheer me up, asked what i wanted to do, to eat, to everything.
But deep down, we all knew they only tried to cheer themselves up.
It's well known, when someone dies it's not them that's affected. They don't know the died, they just did.
Those who stay are the ones to suffer.
I know what i'm talking about, trust me on that.
They're all here.
Mom, dad, siblings, grandparents... even the old uncle who never wants to see me.
Never thought i'd see them all together for me.
Funny.
Well, 'funny', not really, they all know, as much as i do that they're only here to look good and be sure not to regret anything in three months.
They stopped trying to persuade me to do something.
I don't want to.
I waited for this moment for two years.
it's too late to do something now. Isn't it?
They're all talking to each other about.. i don't know actually.
An "adult conversation" i guess.
So i decide to go out.
My heart aches but it doesn't matter.
We're in our vacation house, the one near the sea.
There's a cliff at the end of our garden.
It's quite far from the house so that the children don't fall.
Apparently it happened once but i can't remember it. Maybe I wasn't even born who knows ?
Well, technically my parents know since they're the one who told me the story but anyway.
They also told me not to go near that cliff.
But today i really don't care.
Today, I just decide to go to the very end of our garden and look at the sky.
The wind is quite strong.
The waves are crushing on the rocks.
I never thought i'd really have the courage to do what i'm about to do.
Not even two years ago when i lost everything.
Well, i thought i lost everything.
At least i still had my heart. My life. My future.
Not anymore apparently.
I look at the sky again and smile.
A small smile.
Maybe more like a grin.
But it's the best i can do.
Maybe because those muscles don't work anymore.
It's been too long.
Or maybe deep down i simply don't want to smile really.
So for one last time i turn around and look at my house.
My parents have serious faces, talking with the adults.
My older sister is playing with our cousins while my brother is on his phone.
She raises her head and looks at me.
She looks... surprised.
Maybe because of that smile.
Even if i'm far, i can see the tears in her eyes.
Because i know she knows.
She knows what i'm about to do.
She knows i'm about to jump.
She knows because she saw me restrain myself for two years.
And she saw the last ray of hope in my eyes vanish.
That's why, when i finally jump from that cliff, i can see her stand up and scream my name.
But i'm already gone.
I'm already flying to this inevitable end with that tragic smile on my face.
And when i feel the water, when i feel the pain from the rocks, i know i finally won.
I know i will finally find the one i lost two years ago.
I know my smile won't ever disappear again.
"
