Until it's gone

introduction; regrets

Diana's POV
I once read a quote said "when its gone, you'll know what a gift love was, you'll suffer like this. So go back and fight to keep it" i didnt get it. I was so stupid to understand it. Not because of the words that are used, but because, Back then, i was confident of long lasting love. We are still kids back then, that's why.

But i started to realized everything when it started to fade away. Things went by without doing anything about it until its really gone. I....i never...thought of the word..."pain", all i know was....after the "love" there was the word "lost" and "heal". I was 16. But it's stupid that when i reached my 18...i still keep on denying everything that will keep me going back to where i should really be.

Now that it came to me, Pain isnt even enough to describe this. I am full of regrets, blaming myself and hated myself for not being there for the last time.....for the last...for her last time.

"Diana, let's go" my co-worker called me out so i stopped writting at my diary and answered.

"Coming" i closed the diary but some pieces of paper fell through the ground so i picked them up. I dont really want to break my guard down for the last minute before my work but i did. I saw that picture again, stucked with the papers that i picked up.

Tears falls down, as im staring at the person in the picture.

I started questioning myself of how i can even bare to breath? Of how i can even stand up straight knowing everyone is struggling to do so. How can i even have the guts to see the sunrise? How can even let myself live?

Im not happy either, about this shits.
No, im still living but im not here anymore. I have promises to keep so i let my body stay awake. But my soul wasnt living anymore, my soul is finding what i lose. I smiled at the thought of me hanging on the rope where no one else to hold.

Suddenly, a voice, wake me up of my thoughts, making my heart jump in shock of a sudden noise."diana,where have you been? Its not the right time to make illusions in your head, okay? We have work to focus on, so wake your shit off!!!!" Lara yelled at me, seems annoyed of how im being drowsy.

But i started to be at it again, im scared but my heart,it feels like...someone is punching it hard. It hurts. My breathing isnt stable now, and my mind keeps racing. I dont know what to do anymore.

I thought leaving my country will help me out, But no. The love inside me is still there...and i wanted to feel that love with that person. Im begging for it.

I wanted that person back.
I wanted that person back.
In my whole life, it was that person.
It was all about that person.
And without that person here,
Life shouldnt be an exception.