diary of a gay black teen

chapter 19

i get out his car walking to my front door as a tear slips from my eye but i wipe it away fast not looking back as i open the door to my house to see dishes and glass shattered everywhere "mom?" i say as i walk into the living room seeing her sitting on the couch with a bottle of alcohol drinking it with blood on her had

"oh look who's back" she says with sarcasm in her voice

"are you OK? where are dad and mason?" i ask as i look at her worried

"your dad left after i cut him with a broke vase and he took your brother, said he never gonna allow him to come back here again" she says with a smile as she takes swigs of the alcohol

"he cant do that your still his mother and you have the right to see him" i say in disbelief

"but he can, he does have full custody and if he tells them i cut him they will take away my visitation rights" she says still smiling like shes crazy as she takes even bigger sips of her drink

"im so sorry ma, i dont know how he could do this to us" i say hurt at the thought of never being able to see my brother again

"ha, how he could do this to us? your not losing anything" she says looking into no where

"mom he is my brother" i say looking at her with a confused face

"and hes my fucking son!" she says as she throws the bottle across the room making it hit the wall hard and shatter getting glass and liquor everywhere as i jump

"mo-" i try to talk as she cuts me off

"where were you?" she asks calmly scaring me even more

"i was with a friend" i say not tryna get into details

"was it a boy?" she asks looking at me for the first time

"yes" i say 

"damn. he called it" she says chuckling looking back at nothing

"what are you talking about" i say very confused

"your father, he said you would go running to some guy" she says

"it wasn't like that mom" i say 

"he isn't that kind of friend" i say 

"dont fucking lie to me! i have never seen you have a straight male friend" she yells hitting the wall making me jump from her actions

"mo-" i try to talk but she cuts me off

"this is all your fucking fault" she says as i look at her feeling my chest start to hurt

"how" i say trying my best to disguise the pain laced in my voice

"your the reason my son and husband are gone" she says with anger laced through her voice

"you just had to be gay and change everything, didn't you" she says looking at me 

"i- i cant help who or what i like no matter how hard i try and trust me i have but this is me and im sorry that it caused so much destruction but i was tired of having to hide what i like to please everyone else but hurt me" i say tears coming out my eyes

"mhmmmm, your not sorry at all" she says as she looks at me with disgust

"all you care about is yourself, you came out and didn't think of anyone else or how it would effect us and this family" she says continuing to look at me in disgust

"how could you be so selfish" she says making me get a stinging pain in my chest

"selfish? are you kidding me" i say hurt