take me home

"Ja yung ngai
ja bpen kwahm bung ern reu fah dtung jai.."

The familiar voice was heard humming from the kitchen as I came back home after another tiring day. It was raining. I hung my wet coat behind the door. A sweet warm scent was arising from the kitchen, and I went towards there.

"Tee mah tum hai tur lae," He hummed again. His back was turned facing me. He was standing before the hot oven, tapping his fingers on the kitchen countertop while humming the song. It was a familiar rhythm. It felt as if something was calling me back from somewhere, and I tried to capture that moment. A tinge of sadness crawled up to my chest. He went on, "chun dai pob dai jur gun..."

He turned around as if he has sensed my presence.

"Xiao Xiao" He smiled.

I smiled back with the same gentleness. "I'm home", I said, reaching out my arms for a hug.

"Welcome", He pulled me into an embrace, giving a peck on my lips.

"It's rare to see you in the kitchen", I said. He laughed along, saying, "Is it?"

"I just missed baking for a long time."

I bent down to see what it was in there, but the oven wasn't lit up. Only the warm aroma arose from it. He told me to go for a shower, while it would be ready. And he murmured the same rhythm again.

"It sounds familiar." I said. "This song.."

"Is it?" He smiled. He leaned on the counter, waving the fork in his hand and continued to sing, looking out through the window pane.

"Eek nahn kae nai
sen tahng ja saen glai
Mai wah arai rao ja dern bpai duay gun
Pahn wun welah
kae tur jup meu chun.."

His voice was deep and enchanting, and its rhythm was slower than the one I've heard originally. I felt a warmth inside my eyes, the moment I could join all the little pieces together. I covered my mouth from my hands. I looked at him, and felt as if my heart wanted to soar in the air. Besides the faint touch of sadness, it brought me yet a comforting feeling along.

I didn't know the lyrics of the song, but I sang along with him the way I remembered it.

"It's been a long time, hasn't it?" I said, with tearful eyes.

It indeed has been.

I wonder how they are doing now. The more we grow up, we've stepped into a whole strange world where we don't recognize ourselves. Where we've become strangers with our own selves. Even though trying to find little happiness in this new life, and I am grateful for all the blessings around me and the people who love me, I still always feel an emptiness within, and I'm always yearning for something.

It's been a long time since I was wholly being myself. Since I listened to the early 20's songs. Since I was brutally in love with a fictional character. Since I bought a ticket to a fan meeting of my celebrity crush. And crazily shipped that angst couple in my favourite drama. We all had those people in our lives who were never really connected to us, personally. But they remained as a whole big part of who we were. And who we still are.

I was looking through my old belongings later that day, after I came out of the shower. I found this one box that I've painted with green and blue. Inside it were many little pieces of photos I've collected of my favourite ship back then. I felt a click in my throat suddenly seeing their faces. They were beautiful. They were too happy when they were together. I could almost burst into tears by how I still remembered them, their names, and everything about them. I wonder how they are like now. Are they still happy? Have they seen each other in these years? I wonder where they are now.