Is This The Real Thing

Chapter Fifteen

Adin had sent a message that he would be there after dinner to discuss any new wedding plans. Sanem had completely forgot to go by the old library building to check it out for the wedding. It seemed useless now, to carry on with the making of plans for a wedding that was in question. She would tell him as quickly as she could, as not to drag out the inevitable. Her speech would have to be perfect, she hated to hurt him, but it couldn't be helped. She had to many fears and doubts to continue with things the way they were. Things were clearer to her now, that job had done more than supply her the money she needed, it had opened her eyes to a new world. A world where her dreams mattered and she was allowed to have them. In this world, his dreams would be her dreams, and she was expected to follow them. All of this is what troubled her more than anything. Why didn't her parents see this, could they not tell that with this life, she wouldn't be herself. Sanem heard her mother come in, and she braced for the inquisition.               " Sanem, daughter why are you home at this time of day," she asked, " Was there a problem at work."  Without waiting for her response she carried on the conversation about what Adin had told them. That he had interrupted a lunch that she was having with the boss, and Mevkibe was wanting the explanation for it. Sanem was devastated that he had gone behind her back and told them about it, but somehow she wasn't surprised..

The truth was, nothing happened, but Mevkibe was having a hard time believing her. Adin had embellished the story somewhat, to make it hard for her to explain it away. It was his way of getting even. So typical, she thought, he knew just how to handle her parents. Mevkibe was scolding her for putting Adin in that position, and placing herself in that kind of situation. Sanem had taken all she could and excused herself to go lay down, saying she had an upset stomach. Mevkibe called after her, " Sanem, rest well, Adin will be here soon to discuss the wedding." Things will be planned tonight, do you understand."  She closed her bedroom door, curled up on the floor and wished she could disappear into thin air, her life was over before it would ever get started. What had changed Adin so, or was it her that had changed. Venturing out of her comfort zone, looking for something better, was it so wrong. She found something that made her happy, filled her soul with unknown desire. Having that desire in her heart when she was betrothed to another, that might be wrong, but was it not also wrong to fore sake yourself for that of others. Turn your back on what was in your heart and lie, saying that it wasn't so. 

She heard the bell, and waited for her mother to call her downstairs. She felt the dread and the heartache already surge through her body. " You have to stand firm Sanem, this is for you." She told herself. The vision of Can crossed her mind, did he really want her, need her as he confessed to her. She felt it in her deepest being, it was a true feeling or she wouldn't have made this decision. She was testing every part of her life right now, pushing it to the limit. She only had to remember his eyes, how they held her heart and talked to her soul. This was right for her and she knew it. Her mother called to her, and she started down the stairs, hearing Adin and her mother talking in the kitchen, talking about her and her life like she didn't exist. They were making all the plans for her, forcing all their thoughts on her for the sake of a convenient marriage. She stepped into the room, with more courage then she had ever had before saying "Adin, may I speak to you alone for a minute, please." And she turned to go out to the back garden. Mevkibe stopped her, " My dear, what you need to say can be said here, in front of all." There's no secrets in this family. "  Sanem stiffened her body, in a form of defiance,  " Mother, I prefer to speak alone, of course with no disrespect to you, but it is a private matter." She stated. The fear was rising, she knew this would cause a riff that could cost her family. 

Adin nodded, willing to follow her to the garden, but not willing to tolerate a confrontation. She sat at the table and gestured for him to sit as well. Her actions of willfulness didn't set well with him. That wasn't the role of a woman in his household, but obviously she felt the need to exert her power at this point. He sat across from her, studying her face, what was so different with her, why so stiff and formal. She struggled with finding the right words, what happened to the perfect speech she had prepared in her head, it all seemed to vanish as she looked into his face. He spoke, " Sanem, you have brought me here for a reason, what is it, can you not speak."  His eyes chipped away at her confidence, so demeaning. They had once been eyes that filled her with hope, but now they scared her. She reached down into her gut, for the strength to speak. Her voice sounded like it was someone else's, she couldn't control it so it came out high pitched and frantic. She was talking to fast, she just wanted to get it over with. Adin held up his hand, for her to stop, " Sanem, what are you saying, I can't understand a word you're saying."  What seems to be the problem."  He asked.  She took one last deep breath, calmed herself and said, " Adin, I can't marry you, I'm sorry, but this is not right for me at this time." She closed her eyes letting out the excess air in her lungs. Still with her eyes closed, she heard no response, she slowly opened her eyes to see him staring blankly into her face, with no emotion, he said, " Sanem, I will have none of that,  that is not an option. I don't know who has put these thoughts into your head but there will be no more discussion of that kind, do I make myself clear."  Her heart was in her throat, what did he mean, it was her right to change her mind. He couldn't force her, her parents wouldn't make her if she really didn't want to. Oh my god, she really hadn't planned on this. She stammered a refusal of his demands but they went unheard.  She stood, " Adin, really I have made up my mind, I can't marry you, it's just not what I want. 

Adin stood towering over her,  " Sanem, yes you most certainly will......