Have you ever felt like you're walking in this cold world by yourself? I have and this is every day. I'm just an ordinary girl not different than any one else in the world. But I get treated like I'm not a human. Like I'm a bottle on the ground that everyone likes to kick around. But I'm used to this. Used to being hurt and treated the way I am. Each word that comes out kills me softly. But I'm here to tell you about the story of my life.
I remember my first day of school. It was a dull and boring day. I walked in the class room hoping not to be judged. But you can't get your hopes up to easily. Right? Everyone looked at me and whispered but I didn't care it was my first day. How could you judge me if you didn't even know me? At least I knew someone from the class. It was my old friend KiKi. She introduced me to everyone and they seemed really nice. But I didn't let that niceness fool me I wasn't that dumb.
I meet two new people that I seemed to really click with. It was Lanira and Zaimarie. They seemed to understand me and really actually helped me fit in with the class. They helped me throughout the first day but there was alot more people I needed someone for help. Although , I just meet them I felt that we were going to be good friends. I knew this grade was going to be great !
At least that's what I thought. As soon as I started to fit everything got worse by the minute. People started giving me the eye I've gotten at the beginning of the year and in sentences I started to hear my name. I didn't care I mean it was only a few people, right? Wrong. It started to become the whole class including to the two people I thought were my best friends. I thought I was alone. No one was there for me. Not even my "best friend" KiKi.
The only people who didn't talk about me were the clostest people to me. And that's something I knew. I trusted them I really did and I had no doubts about them. So throughout the entire year I was "friends" with everybody. But those people weren't as close with me as other people were. I got the through that grade in a rush and I'm glad that it was over.
But I knew this year was going to be much harder. This is when my life began to get harder . This year is when I start having suicadal thoughts or cutting myself. But there were two boys were the reasons it got harder. They made this year harder than it should be. When I walked in the hallways they would bother me for no reason. But I didn't let that mess me up.
Then things got worse. Sometimes I would just walk outside by myself and they would just have like a little pushing war with me. I would get annoyed and try and stop them but they would scare me so I wouldn't do anything else except leave. Once I got home I would put headphones in and ignore the world. I had the least bit of problems when I did that. I would sit there and think about would I could've done instead of sitting there like a idiot. It seemed like music was there than anybody else not even my family.
My parents seemed like they were there but they weren't . I didn't really count on them when I needed someone to burden my problems with . They'll just makes things worse by coming to the school and actig like they were gonna ''handle'' the situation ! That never brought me any justice. They didn't actually go to the school BUT even if they did my life would still be a miserable as it is now . Carrying on , this year my friend Mahida did me SO WRONG !
I told her I liked . I had no problem with that , besides ! she was my best friend . I'd always trust her with my secrets. But then I heard my '' foes'' who would always push me asking who I liked . I found it weird they asked me that RIGHT after I went back to my table . I looked at Mahida weirdly and all I saw was guilt . PURE GUILT . And guess what happened after that ? They told every last bit of my crushes that I liked them !
I couldn't believe this , I didn't think that this was possible . I trusted her with everything . Why did she do this to me NOW ? After all the situatuon's i've been through ! She had some nerve doing this . But I wasn't mad at her . I was ..... HURT . Who would've thought the people you could trust so much hurt you so badly ? I was heartbroken and done . DONE .
When I got home I started crying. I put in my headphones and decided to grab some scissors . I took the scissors and cut myself . I cut myself to the very last of arm ! There was so much blood going down my arm . I couldn't stop it . I didn't want my parents to know what I had done so I made it look like a '' accident'' . They couldn't know what I've done to myself ! They'd put me in one of those rehab places and I dearly HATE those places !
