Nobody Listens To a Mad Girl

Monsters

 My head was in agony, I could feel the madness take over. I saw the monsters, they always come, and I wish they would leave me alone, someone always gets hurt and I get the blame. My legs lost their strength I fell to the floor, the monsters came towards me I heard muffled sounds. I saw the knife on the counter; I needed to end this pain, this torture. I grabbed the knife and slashed it at the monsters, I hit one and I could feel the warm wetness of blood. I kept stabbing, and stabbing and stabbing, tears streaming down my face. I wish this would end, why would it not end? Why does this happen to me?

My vision cleared, I heard people screaming and crying. I looked down at what I had been stabbing... My knife fell to the ground I backed towards the wall. "No, no, no, no, no, NO!" I could not comprehend what I had done. I could not handle what I had done, I started screaming and covering my ears. This was their fault, the shadow monsters fault! I heard sirens in the background; everyone had stepped away from me.

"We're thinking of sending you to a special place, for people like you." My Mum softly whispered, "This has gone way too far and you need help." 

"It won't be for long." My Dad's low voice was trying desperately hard not to make it sound the way it is. I was a danger because of my condition, and the stabbing of my sister was the final straw, I understood. They did not believe me when I told them they saw monsters, they did not believe me when I begged them to help me. They believe me now because of what I did to my sister... 

I ran up the stairs, I had refused to talk since what I did to my sister. I did not want to talk, I know what I had done, and I wish I had not. It was an accident, I sat in the corner, rocking and uttered "Sorry" repeatedly tearfully. I did not think I can ever forgive myself for what I did, how could anyone forgive me? I need to punish myself; I cannot live without punishing myself. This was my entire fault, how do I punish myself? Cutting, is not good enough. Suicide, I did not kill my sister. I found what to do, I hit my head repeatedly, and it was not enough for my guilt. I pulled my draws out and violently searched. I found it, the scissors, and the sharp scissors. I stabbed my arm repetitively, I bit my lip hard, the pain was unbearable but I deserved every bit of it. I felt cold sweat all over my skin, my breathing shuddered, my vision blurred over until I felt numb I fainted.   

I woke up in a dim shack a boy was intently staring at me, his skin was pale and blotchy, and his hair was white and short. He almost looked translucent; he got up and walked through the door. My breathing slowed as I got up and slowly followed him, however when I got through the door I could not see him. Instead, I saw a sky that was dark blue like dusk, however you could see aqua lines that looked like the northern lights covering the sky. The ground had patches of grass and dirt there were broken fences everywhere. I shivered; I suddenly realized I was wearing a rag like dress. The mark on my arm where I stabbed myself was gone, "this is all in your mind you know." I gasped and turned around; the boy was standing uncomfortably close, expressionless.

"What do you mean in my head?" I curiously asked.

"You’re dreaming silly." A small smile grew on his lips, sort of, as if he pitied me.

"So you're not real?" I was eager to know.

"I'm as real as you are... or was... well it doesn't really matter." His voice trailed off as he tried to make sense of his thoughts.

"Then what are you doing here?" If he was not just my imagination what is he doing in my dream, s this what lucid dreaming feels like?

"I'm protecting you," the blank expression had returned to his face.

"Protecting me from what?" 

"I'll explain later." He disappeared leaving me alone with my thoughts maybe this is not real. I am dreaming anything can happen, I heard and felt a rumble under my feet. A monster erupted from the ground; the monster was different to the ones I usually see. The monster was quite grotesque blood dripped from its mouth and its body looked like someone had ripped its skin off. I wanted to run and scream but I could not I was glued to the spot shaking, I felt heavy, the moment seemed to last forever. I have to move, I have to move, I HAVE TO MOVE! Internally I was screaming.