The past couple weeks went by drastically slow. Each day was the same; Luke and Michael sat with me at lunch every day and never left me. I began to feel like a charity case. Sometimes I feel as if I annoy them. I try my best to push off those thoughts, though. All of us text a bit on the weekends, but the conversations don't last long.
Michael always puts in effort to make subtle conversation, but it never works. Most days it has just been "hi" and "hey" before I return to eating whatever slob the cafeteria decided to serve that day, and he returns to drawing in his usual notebook (I still don't know what he draws). I truly appreciate what he's doing, he's really trying to keep us all together as friends, but I can feel us falling apart already. I've considered inviting the boys over, but considering my mom's back home, she'd probably flip shit.
There's no doubt that I want Michael and Luke to stay in my life. They're the first couple of friends I've had in a long time, and it has been the most amazing feeling ever.
Especially Michael, he makes me feel really happy and important. A feeling nobody can take away from me. Simply his prescense can brighten my day. I wouldn't exactly consider it a crush just yet, but I can feel it coming on; he's already starting to drive me crazy.
Ok, maybe it is a crush,
Locking eye contact with Michael shoots butterflies swarming through my body, and I can't stop them. Sometimes (most of the time) I just want to wrap my arms around his tall figure and hold on forever. But that'd be awkward, and he'd probably push me away without even thinking about it much. I just wish he'd give some sort of sign, like "hey fucktwat, let's be cute together and shit" but nothing of the sort has been hinted.
I wish I had a female friend to talk about all my hormonal feelings with. I mean, Luke is great and all, but I'm sure he doesn't want to hear about me wanting to cuddle with Michael hours on end. I'm sure my mother wouldn't either (I'd rather die before I talked to my mom about boys anyway).
So that's why I just daydream. I daydream about Michael. Creepy? I guess so. But I can't help it. He is ruining me effortlessly and unconciously. I wish he'd stop being so fucking adorable, and I wish I'd stop being so fucking obsessive. I'm getting too attached too quickly.
My favorite thing is when he wears oversized sweaters to school. They hang down to his knees and he'll bundle up the extra fabric in his hands and make the cutest sweater paws you've ever seen. He has been wearing them nealy every day lately, it's like he knows they drive my hormones fucking insane.
Don't even get me started on his hair. You can spot his bright orange-red head of hair from nearly a mile away; it's amazing. He's self-concious about it though, it's easy to tell. He constantly is running his hands through it, trying to fix it. I don't understand why he cares so much about how his hair looks (especially if he's dying it outrageous colors like this).
I find myself drifting from my thoughts and sit up and look around my room, there's a mess of scattered papers and clothes everywhere. All of which I probably should clean up before my mother sees it.
But, speaking of the devil, she bursts into my room without even knocking, takes a look around (scowls) and turns to face me.
"Good morning." I say, confused.
"It's noon." She corrects me. My eyes shoot to my alarm clock, 12:16.
"Oh. Uhm, Good...Noon?" I laugh. She rolls her eyes.
"Go get ready, we're going out to lunch." She says, slamming the door behind her. I stare at the door in confusement. We haven't done something like this together in forever.
