Love, Colonel Sanders

Part II: At home

Colonel Sanders would make some comfort food. Self-care, right? He put away his deep fryer and pulled out the necessary ingredients. Flour, egg, baking powder--to make the crust. The sauce was perhaps the hardest part to betray but it was necessary to even taste his work. He took the pizza out from the oven and set it on the counter. It looked great and it was crafted with such care and nostalgia but he had failed. It wasn't true and it would never be true as long as he was like this. Suddenly, he heard the doorbell. He wasn't expecting anyone this hour; he wasn't expecting anyone, period. He opened the door to reveal the unnamed worker from his restaurant.

"What are you doing here?" Colonel Sanders questions, narrowing his eyes

"I was a bit worried about you from when we were in the restaurant! So I came to check up on you-- what are you cooking in there? It smells good!" they rambled. Colonel Sanders fruitlessly tried to narrow the door crack but eventually yielded with a sigh and let them in.

"It looks different from the last time I was here! Did you renovate or something?" The employee asked, looking around "Wait, is that pizza? I thought you didn't eat anything other than the stuff you serve at the restaurant?"

"I don't" Colonel Sanders lied "I knew you were coming and figured you would want a variety of things to eat"

"Oh, in that case" The employee started before shoving a slice of pizza into their mouth. "Ooh the flavors are very good and are almost as good as the super secret spice mix you got in the chicken. But, there's something missing, like another spice that stops it from achieving true greatness!"

Colonel Sanders coughed nervously. He felt like they were onto him. He felt that he had to tell them the truth but wondered what would become of his beloved KFC business. The employee had then finished their pizza slice and began to ponder at the pictures.

"Now, that's a different picture! Who's that?" The unnamed employee pondered, picking up a small framed black and white photo of two men in suits besides each other. Colonel Sanders quickly snatched the image away before he realized what he did. He swifty placed it down with a forceful clack and turned away to hide his embarrassment. The employee looked at him curiously and with surprise since he had never been so unnaturally unsaying about a topic before.

"Anyways, aren't you gonna eat?" The employee asked, returning to the pizza on the counter and picking up a slice for themselves and holding one out for the Colonel.

"No," Colonel Sanders said with a glint of pride in his eyes "I don't eat anything else than the glorious KFC brand with perfectly crusted and breaded chicken and the wonderful mashed potatoes"

"Then why don't cha make some for yourself?" The employee asked. Colonel Sanders blinked in surprise for a moment. Quickly he started getting out the supplies for the wonderful, golden crispy chicken. The smooth chicken breast and thighs were swifty coated in flour mixture and layed out in wondrous rows. Suddenly, Colonel Sanders gracefully mixed the spices salt, thyme, basil, oregano, celery salt, pepper, mustard, paprika, garlic salt, ginger, white pepper together in such an orchestral wonder nothing seemed out of place and all 11 spices were placed back on the shelf within seconds, perfectly hiding the spices used. It was made with such passion and resulted in a hefty sex appeal. Colonel Sanders, with his brandished muscles, hefted a large pot to the stove and started to boil the water inside.

"Was that garlic I saw?" the employee questioned unsurly because Colonel Sanders' godly speed was speed at too many fps for the average human eyes to see.

"No" Colonel Sanders said with a deadpan expression and a smirk in his eyes. His recipe is never to be known, he had worked too hard on it. You could never tell if he was lying or not. He brushed his hands against his blood-red apron and cockly placed his hands on his hips. Colonel Sanders watched the water boil. The employee stayed silent, deep in thought. Like a cock, they suddenly stood upright and started spouting their critical thinking skills aloud.

"Wait...red, no garlic, secret backstory. Wait, you're a--" The unnamed employee scattered backwards and suddenly started whistling "--Here boy!"

"...What?" Colonel Sanders looked at them with confusion and concern.

"You're a werewolf! Here boy!"

"No, I'm a vampire. But that's besides the point--"

"Oh, how did that happen?"

"It's a long story..." Colonel Sanders looked away and placed the chicken into the boiling water and turned to the employee. "It originally started when I worked on a small farm..."

Colonel Sanders sighed and looked lost in thought. The water started to over boil so he turned the flame down. The water continued boiling. Colonel Sanders stepped back as the water boiled over the pot. Suddenly, a large creature with a pale chicken in the center and peeling chicken breading which appeared to resemble a noodle like form crawled out of the pot. He had realized his mistake. It was water, not oil. He had been too focused on his past memories to note the difference detriment in liquids.

"What-what is that?" The employee yelled, peeking out from behind Colonel Sanders. The creature approached them further as the Colonel grabbed a nearby spatula.

"It's a magic creature" Colonel exclaimed exasperated as the large creature started attacking by throwing soggy wads of almost pasta. "It's made from mistakes in cooking. If you get to a high enough level as a chef and you make a mistake on a dish you used magic on you'll create one of these creatures"

"Magic? You use magic to make your chicken taste so good??" The employee shrieked as they ran for cover. "How-how is that even possible?"

"I'm a vampire!" Colonel Sanders shouted. "All chefs have magic but because of my state I can use it more. But as you can see this has consequences. I messed up by putting the breaded chicken in boiling water instead of "

"Huh, that's probably why all the chicken comes out perfectly crusted. 'Cause of the magic. But why isn't the food monster nice like Borko and the other spork monsters? Is it 'cause you're a vampire?" The employee noted as Colonel Sanders fought off the monster "Can you make me a vampire?"

"What??" Colonel Sanders asked indicatively. "I don't see why you would ever want that!"

The monster, taking advantage of this moment of this expressed surprise, took its turn to swing at Colonel Sanders, knocking him off the counter and to the spot where the employee was hiding.

"Trust me, you don't want to be a vampire" Colonel Sanders grunted before springing to his feet and lunding at the monster.

"Why wouldn't I want to? There's immortality and magic cooking powers"

Colonel Sanders was knocked to the ground and was using his spatula as a block to prevent the monster from hitting him.

"Yeah, but there's no more garlic bread!" Colonel Sanders snapped, losing his cool and sending the monster flying back. The employee, sitting on one of the chairs, looked at him surprised. Colonel Sanders turned away hastily, wiping his face with his buff forearm, before turning back to the monster that was charging at him and stopping it. Colonel Sanders was struggling to move the monster backwards. He wasn't sure why because moments before he sent it flying into cabinets. He had barely used any of his power so why was it so hard now? Colonel Sanders suddenly felt dizzy but continued to fight on.

"Why's it smell like garlic? Is that one of the 11 special herbs you got in the chicken?" The employee asked again, hopping to their feet and hoping to trick Colonel Sanders into telling the truth "Did I guess it right? Did I?"

Colonel Sanders dropped to his knees, feeling weak. Of course it was garlic. It was getting hard to breath and he jumped away, pulling his red apron to cover his mouth. It did little to help. Colonel Sanders continued to fight the monster off by slicing the long distance attacks using his spatula but alas, he finally fell and the monster trapped him in its noodle like tendrils. As he faded out, scent of garlic filling his head, he heard his name one last time....