lover • seongjoong

[ I. MMXIV ]

seonghwa can't remember when he started liking hongjoong. he just... did. isn't that always how it's like when you're best friends? one day, you're five-year-old platonic best friends playing on the swings together and the next thing you know, you're fifteen and thinking about your "platonic" best friend in ways that are anything but platonic.

he's not speaking for everyone who's been in love with a long time friend but that sure as hell was how it went for seonghwa. no need to go into details—the experience isn't something he's necessarily proud of.

after all, finding out that you're gay is one thing. but finding out that you're gay and in love with your best friend is a whole other type of rollercoaster ride. seonghwa thinks that it's both a blessing and a curse that hongjoong is arguably the most oblivious person on the face of the earth. on the bright side, hongjoong doesn't know about his crush which means seonghwa doesn't have to face the possibility of rejection and losing his childhood best friend. that's good. great, even.

but on the other hand, hongjoong not knowing about his crush means he has to suffer through all his mushy feelings, alone. and as a sixteen year old, seonghwa is personally not a big fan of feelings. especially those he is holding for his best friend.

the thing is, seonghwa does not believe in being subtle. he has been so painfully obvious ever since he found out he liked hongjoong but apparently, hongjoong is not one to take a hint. not multiple hints, not even when they're right in front of his face, actually. seonghwa kind of wants to grab hongjoong's shoulders and just... shake him until he realizes seonghwa likes him. sometimes he thinks maybe he should just kiss him instead and get it over with.

but he doesn't. probably never will. while seonghwa is not subtle, he is also a "fucking coward"—as said by his neighbor and only other best friend, jung wooyoung—who is afraid of losing his best friend. you can't really blame him.

"seonghwa." seonghwa feels a finger relentlessly poking at his side and lazily turns his head to face the boy next to him. seonghwa is greeted by the sight of hongjoong, chin propped up on the palm of his hand, pouting at him. his hair is messy from having lied down on the couch for too long and seonghwa feels his heart skip a beat.

"what?" hongjoong pauses the movie.

"you're not even watching. i chose this movie because it's your favorite and you're not even paying attention," hongjoong accuses, narrowing his eyes at seonghwa.

it's a friday night and friday nights are movie nights. it's been their little tradition for as long as they can remember. seonghwa loves spending time with his best friend and he loves movies so movie night is always a big win for him. he's never said it to hongjoong's face but it's been his favorite part of the week ever since it first started.

lately, though, he has been finding it increasingly harder to focus on watching whatever movie they've picked out when hongjoong is literally right there. being all cute and pretty and god, definitely way too close for the wellbeing of his heart. by the way his heart keeps thrumming in his chest, movie night might just be the death of him.

"sorry. i just have a lot on my mind." seonghwa gives him a small smile that probably resembles a grimace, more than anything.

"you can talk to me about it if you want to. i'm your best friend for a reason." hongjoong frowns when seonghwa chuckles and shakes his head as a response. he tilts his head to the side all the while looking seonghwa straight in the eye, as if that would tell him what's going through seonghwa's mind. they don't keep secrets from each other. that's not their thing. seonghwa not wanting to talk to hongjoong about something is... weird. "why? what are you thinking about?"

"it's... i don't know." seonghwa runs a hand through his own hair, desperately wishing hongjoong would just let it go. "it's dumb."

"well, i can't tell you it's not dumb if you won't tell me. so tell me. what's got you thinking so hard, huh?"

"you," seonghwa blurts out. he facepalms internally. he curses his own brain for being impulsive and his mouth for having no filter. he hopes hongjoong can't see him panicking on the inside. he wouldn't know what to do if hongjoong were to point it out. what can he say? hongjoong is cute and seonghwa is crushing. hard.

hongjoong pauses for a second and seonghwa quite literally feels his heart drop down to his stomach.

"did you just... call me dumb? is that... some kind of subtle way of you telling me i'm a dumbass?"

seonghwa wants to hit him. he wants nothing more than to slap hongjoong and yell "hey headass, i have a crush on you" at his face. but he refrains. no one needs to see that.

"no, i'm-" seonghwa cuts himself off and pauses for a second. "you know what? yes. yes, actually, i am. i might as well. you're a dumbass, joong."

hongjoong looks baffled. he looks exactly like what a '?????' text would look like if it were a person. "what did i even do?"

"i'm not telling you." seonghwa grabs the remote out of hongjoong's hand and quickly starts the movie back up before hongjoong could question him further. "oh, look. it started playing. guess we'll just have to stop talking about this and start watching. oh, no."

seonghwa throws the remote on to the recliner. far away enough for hongjoong to be too lazy to get up and retrieve it. he narrows his eyes at seonghwa. but seonghwa is right and he knows the other boy too well—hongjoong doesn't get up. he stretches himself across the couch and rests his feet on seonghwa's lap instead.

"fine," hongjoong huffs.

seonghwa breathes out a relieved sigh as hongjoong turns his attention back towards the screen.

hongjoong turns his head to look at him one last time before turning back to the screen. "we'll talk about this later."

spoiler alert, they don't.
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thank you for reading!! hope you stay for the next update ♡

[ ao3 - hwasans ]