Forgive Me
I brushed through my long hair after I put my pencil down. I've been trying to draw again like I used to when I first came to Bathory, but it never came out good. I sighed and put the brush down.
My hand gradually picked up the old photo of my parents and I smiled dimly. I put it down and drew little swirls inside the heart that I doodled earlier.
I missed Vlad. I sighed and shaded in the heart.
Then I felt something that I had missed over the past few weeks. I felt that pull-that attraction-that used to ache inside me so badly that I would try and claw it from my soul. But now I welcomed it as I turned to find my door was open and Vlad stood in the doorway. I stood up hurriedly.
He didn't look happy though, and I remembered that I should be mad at him. I glared at him but it was not hardly as fierce as the glares I had given him last December. He walked in without being invited and I turned away from him.
He cleared his throat and broke the silence. "Can you forgive me again? I don't know what I said...but I didn't mean to hurt you."
I looked up and clamped both my lips down. I turned and sat back at my desk again. I crossed my legs and my arms soon followed. I stared up at him without saying a word. He didn't want me to talk for so long...so now I wasn't going to.
He looked back and forth from me to his shoes. He ran his hands through his hair and shifted many times.
"I'd give anything now to kill those words for you." He met my eyes and it took all my strength not to break my statue-like state. "Each time I say something I regret I cry. I don't wanna lose you..." I tightened my jaw at this. "But somehow I know that you will never leave me."
He stood there waiting, praying, for me to respond. But I didn't have anything to say. He knew everything I had to say already; after all he constantly reminded me that I repeated it often. I had nothing to do but sit there and stare at him; emotionless.
"Somehow I'll make you see how happy you make me. I can't live this life without you by my side..." He pleaded and I felt my heart flutter.
But my mind slammed shut. How could I trust him after Siberia? I trusted him and loved him and gave him every little fiber of me...if I lost that control again he could...He could do anything to me. If I wasn't careful he could even kill me.
I stood and walked up to him. He caught his breath in his throat and seemed frozen. I moved closer and closer to him until I could feel his warm breath on my face. I looked at his lips for a fraction of a moment before I met his black eyes. It twisted my heart and I felt what was left of it fall from my chest as I whispered three words.
"Please, just go."
I didn't say it with venom or acid or sadness. I said it as if I had said thank you to a waiter, or asked a teacher for a pencil. It wasn't cold or rude or sad. It was...blank. Empty.
What I saw inside him snapped and he seemed broken. He turned and left my room, leaving the door open as he did so. I watched him walk down the hall and down the stairs and felt my heart following him, breaking off in tiny pieces with every step he took.
I almost fell to my knees at the agony I felt and Henry stepped out from his room. He looked at Vlad as he was almost at the bottom of the stairs and then he looked back at me. I held my hand up and shook it to show him I was fine. He nodded and returned to his room. I went to my window and moved the black curtain aside and looked out to the front yard.
Vlad turned as he walked down the drive way and looked at my window. He then shouted loud enough for the entire town to hear him.
"I'm sorry!"
