Dear Karen, Nobody knows what I go through, everyday I wake up to the same thoughts. I wake up prepared for the worst and a lot of times what I'm prepared for as what might be "the worst" is not even close to the worst. I have friends, family, clothes, food, etc... , but is that really enough? Having people who care about me is great, but it's not what matters. Caring for others is one of the most important things for me. I care about everyone, we may not be the best of friends or we may not evem talk to each other anymore but I still care. Some people do not notice how much I care, while others may take advantage of me for it. One day I want to be able to look back on my life and know I helped someone, I want to someone to look at me and just say thanks for being there for me man. Right now it is Christmas Eve and it is almost 1:00 PM, Knowing that tomorrow is Christmas and that I will not be able to see you in person makes my heart hurt. I have cried myself to sleep at night more often than I would like to admit. There are days that pass that I don't really show how upset I am, there are also days that go by where I think I can't even function without you, then there are days that like this that I am having right now... Today I want to curl up in a ball and just cry for hours on end, I can't though because I have to be "strong" and show that I'm okay. I'm not okay though, I'm starting to cry right now, I miss you. I really just want to go home, I want to give you the biggest hug I can give you. I wish I could hold you in my arms and never let go. If only I could wake up tomorrow and this entire past 7 years was just a dream, If only...
With all of my heart and love- Brad Lee Bevan (Lucier)
P.S. I LOVE YOU MOMMY!!!!! [R.I.P.]
Written on: Wednesday, December 24th, 2014
