Did you really miss me while I was gone?

1.

It's been a few hours since that IG live fiasco where Nine blatantly admitted to missing Joong while he was gone. He was laying on his bed next to Joong pretending to scroll through his phone as he recounted the events of the day. He still couldn't believe it.

Why did that annoying kid have to be watching? He was SUPPOSED to be doing homework.

Deep down, Nine knew that Joong knew he missed him whenever they were apart, but he NEVER wanted to admit it to his face. He's not like that. They don't say they miss each other. It makes things too... real.

Nine was shaken out of his thoughts by the sound of Joong's voice.

"P'Nine?"

"Hm?"

Joong shifted over on his side to face Nine. "Did you really mean what you said earlier?" His eyes burning holes into the older boy's head.

Nine refused to take his eyes off of his phone. "I don't know what you're talking about."

The younger lightly shoved Nine and clicked his tongue. "P don't play dumb, you know EXACTLY what I'm talking about. Did you really miss me while I was gone?"

"Psh, who's missing you?" Nine felt his cheeks get hot.

"I'm pretty sure it was you. Your face was as bright as a tomato. P, you were so cute." Joong reached over and pinched one of Nine's cheeks.

Nine slapped his hand away. He sighed loudly and finally put his phone down, sitting up and facing Joong. "You're annoying. Why would I miss you?"

Joong sat up and frowned, looking into Nine's eyes. "Why is it so hard for you to admit it? If you want the truth.. I was lonely too. After spending 3 months with you, it suddenly felt like I was missing a part of me sleeping alone."

Nine's mouth went dry and he shifted his gaze away from him.

Why does he have to be so bold with his words? You can't just say things like that to people.

Joong sighed and put a hand on Nine's thigh. "I'm leaving soon and things are going to go back to the way they were before." He pauses for a moment, looking away and then back at Nine. "But I don't know if I can go back to the way things were. Leaving this time felt.. different. I missed you in a way I hadn't before, and after that live today, I think you felt that too."

Nine felt his face becoming flush again. He wasn't ready to process what Joong was saying to him. He removed Joong's hand from his thigh and quickly laid down facing away from the boy. "We should go to sleep." He could hear the younger one sighing and plop down next to him.

After a few minutes, Joong broke the silence again. "P'Nine?"

"Hm?" He continued to stay facing away from Joong.

"What do people in relationships act like?"

The question threw Nine off. He knew Joong had never been in a relationship before, but the question seemed so random. He turned to face him before answering, "well.. I don't know. They do things like go out to dinner, see movies, hold hands, cuddle, flirt, make jokes, meet each other's families, etc."

Nine could see the wheels turning in the younger one's head as he stared at the ceiling before he finally spoke. "Don't we do all those things?" He questioned, turning his head to look at Nine.

Nine's eyes widened at the question. He quickly averted his gaze and tried to find a way to deny it.

Do we do all that? I mean maybe but that's different. Right? I mean we don't kiss or anything. But I guess technically we have kissed before for practice for the show and maybe that one time when we were drunk.. No. it's not the same.

Nine finally found the courage to look at Joong again before blurting out, "it's not the same. Relationships having feelings involved."

Joong's eyes fell as he let out a deep sigh. After a few moments he pulled himself up and leaned against the wall staring off in front of him. Nine suddenly felt a weight on his chest that felt something like guilt.

Joong slowly looked over to Nine, fidgeting with his fingers. "What if feelings are involved?"

The words rang in Nine's ear as if they were a fire alarm. He froze, not knowing whether to stay put or make a run for the door.

Feelings terrified Nine. He knew in his heart that Joong had always liked him. He always wanted to be close to him. Always wanted his attention. But Joong had never been with anyone before. Nine was his first kiss for god's sake. He wanted Joong to experience life with someone deserving of his love. Sure, Nine's been denying his own feelings for Joong for over a year, but there were so many better options out there. He deserved to be with someone.. better. Not to mention, what would happen if things didn't work out? He would not only lose the love of his life, but his best friend too. It was so much easier to ignore it.

Nine finally sat up with his hands in his lap. He stared up at Joong and deadpanned, "that's not possible", before looking away.

He could see the frustration building in Joong's eyes as the boy started to raise his voice slightly, "why do you have to be like this? I know you know there's something going on here. And now that I'm leaving, I'm tired of hiding it. I like you and I know you know that. And I know you like me too. Why are you so afraid to admit that?"

Nine clenched his jaw, wanting to run to anywhere but here. He knew this conversation was coming eventually, but he didn't want it to be today. He stared down at his hands, trying to muster the courage to speak. "I'm terrified, Joong. You deserve to be with someone as incredible as you are. I'm hot tempered, easily annoyed, and distracted. I scold you all the time. You should be with someone who's kind and nice. Someone that will treat you right."

Joong shifted to face his body to Nine and placed a hand on his shoulder. "First of all, YOU are incredible. I know we fuck with each other all the time, but I genuinely do admire you. I don't care that you scold me, you do it BECAUSE you care. You are one of the kindest people I know, you just don't show it the same way."

Nine looked around with a furrowed brow, processing Joong's words. "Okay.. but what happens if you're wrong? What happens if you end up hating my scolding and we break up? Then I will lose you."

Joong pulled Nine to face in front of him before putting both hands on his nape, staring at him with intent. "Listen to me, P. We've been living together all of this time and all it's done is make me grow fonder of you. If that doesn't prove that we stand a chance at this, I don't know what does." Joong looked away for a moment before meeting Nine's gaze again. "And to be honest, I'm willing to risk it. There is literally NO ONE I would rather be with than you."

Nine felt a tear forming as he looked back at Joong. He was filled with doubt and fear, but that beautiful naive bastard wasn't. He didn't understand, but it made him feel.. warm. "I- I don't know, Joong."

The taller boy wiped Nine's tear. "Please, Nine. You once said I was the best thing that ever happened to you. So let me repeat that to you: you are the best thing that EVER happened to me."

For a moment they just stared at each other, Joong's hands still on Nine's neck. Every now and then their eyes lingered to their lips before looking up again.

Finally, Joong leaned in, pulling Nine closer by his nape, until their faces were only centimeters away. He repeated, "Please, P."

Suddenly, Nine cupped Joong's face and pulled him into a kiss. Something inside Nine was so desperate to give in after all this time. He wanted this so badly. Their lips slowly moved with each other, it was soft but filled with yearning.