Tie A Yellow Ribbon 'Round The Old Oak Tree

I X

Hey, Lisa.

Do you remember our first kiss?

Do you know that it was not the one we shared under the hazy clouds chasing each other, shaded by the rustling leaves of your old oak tree?

Do you remember the party at Morris'?

The fourth party and the last I ever let you invite me to.

The one time when you went bonkers and I was just there sitting looking after you. Then you dragged me with you to find more booze you said. But the way you slurred trying to voice out even the simplest 'I' out of your mouth reeking of the most complicated mixture of alcohol told me that you were already hammered.

We snuck out of the heavy-loud room and found ourselves lost in the corner of Morris' dad's study room. Fancy that we also found his bottle of scotch or whatever it was, which you digested straight down your throat. I did not know what happened to Morris after you almost emptied his dad's obviously expensive bottle of liquor. But I did know what happened to me after that.

Never in my wildest dream ever I visioned my lips being touched by the devil's kiss.

Your lips burned so well on mine, Lisa.

It was our first kiss.

The one tasted so bitter with a strong hint of alcohol in your breath yet nothing could have beaten that. It was just. It was enough; like a ship finally set sail to the wild ocean, fireworks were exploding in the bare sky, butterflies were set free in the pit of my stomach, and I finally found how well hell burned that I wanted to dwell forever.

The taste of alcohol in your lips was enough to knock you out and enough to sober me up.

Our first kiss was shared in my memory but never carved in yours.

"Nothing," I said when you asked me what happened at Morris after waking up in my bed with your head banging like your brain demanded to be set free.

I let your lips taste mine and in return I let you taste my lies.

Then we sorted things out years later, though I still kept that secret on my own. I had you that time I decided not to run away anymore from you. We shared a home; the coffee pot was filled enough to provide caffeine for two, there were two sets of keys hanging on the wall, there were two toothbrushes by the sink, and there were two idiots cuddling in front of the TV every weekend.

We had no plans. We just existed in each other's space and that was enough plan for me. We walked into our daily routine easily as if we had been married forever.

I remember one Friday afternoon after your long day at the studio, you came home, finding me cooking for dinner and you just went giving me a kiss at the back of my head.

It was one of the best kisses; the one that reminded me how simple life could be just by having the right person by your side.

And my right person has always been you, Lisa.

We lived in a small studio flat, just enough to cover our heads, enough to have a solid ground to stand on, enough to rest our restless bodies at the end of the day. We were not the richest people, we could even barely survive the day at times. But with you, I felt like no billions could ever be worth our time together.

I could play those days I spent with you repeatedly in my head until the record is broken, until the film burns out, but I could never relived it. Life should have kept rolling in that rhythm, beating each bar perfectly.

We were happy.

Until one night outside that disgusting Mexican Restaurant where we digested the most delicious tacos in our lives, you held my hand in yours staring at me as we shared the night walking back to our apartment.

Your plans, your dreams, your future.

All those wishes in which you strung with my name. I was in all your plan and my mind stopped. I enjoyed my present too much with you I forgot to plan for the next day. I did not know what you and I would even be in a year's time and you already rolled out the map for the next 10 years.

You asked me to be your partner for life and I was more than ready for it. But things were felt all too sudden that my brain just stopped working.

That smile I forcefully illustrated for you that night was the first and biggest lie I had ever drawn for you.

I had no idea what I was running to. Was it with or without you? Would it be hand in hand with you?

That night I realized that I had dreams but I forgot to build it with you; while you build an arc with me and for me.

For us.

That night, we shared the gentlest kiss ever landed on my lips. That night we shared, led us to that one night not more than 5 months time.

The one we shared in tears.

One of agony.

And another of regret.

You told me that it was for the best. Us being apart. We started off too early. Too young. Too naïve. Too foolish. We did not know what we wanted and what we needed; I did not know what I wanted while you were already too eager to start a life together that you already had a wedding bell reserved for the two of us.

"It's okay," you added in your shaky breath.

"Are you?"

"I am."

And that was the night you lied.

The night I kissed you goodbye.

"We're here!"

The old man drags me away back to reality where my eyes can see through the window; very familiar surroundings, a road that always leads me back to you.

I'm here, Fredericksburg.