10 tips to help you survive the zombie apocalypse

Here are some tips on how to choose your team for the zombie apocalypse. I hope you find these tips useful. Be careful in choosing your team.

Tip: If you are going to propose to someone before you do, think, would they make a good teammate who wouldn't die in the first day of the zombie apocalypse? If the answer is yes marry 'em!

1) Make sure you have a camp. Some place where zombies aren't. You might want  a car or two and probably some gas cans for when you pass a gas station. Screw money you won't need it here.

2) Make sure you have a "Daryl" in your group. It might help to have a "Rick" and a "T-dog." It is helpful to have people who know what they are doing.

3) Guns. Lots of 'em.

4) Food. If you are a picky eater well suck it up buttercup. This is a place where you can't be picky. If you don't want what's on the menu, you could possibly end up on a menu yourself. Up to you.

5) Clothes. Make sure you have jeans. No shorts, or caprise. Wear t-shirts or long sleeves. Only wear tank-tops when you are at camp. Have a sweatshirt handy for on the go and when you don't have time to get a real shirt. If you want them all over you, you may as well walk around naked yelling "who's hungry!"

6) Medicine. You don't even have to have real stuff. Band-aids are good in case little Timmy get a boo-boo from running around trying to shoot those suckers like a game at the town fair. 

7) Children. Make sure if they're under 12 years old they have someone keeping an eye on them. If your child gets bitten, shoot them. Go ahead cry. But it is because you love them you don't want them to be miserable as a zombie. You'll have to kill them sooner or later.

8) Training. If you can't shoot you can learn close combat. You gotta be careful. If you are just clumsy and you're hopeless then you can be in charge of driving the car. You know wait there. The others come running out and you already have the car started by the time they get there. 

9) Attachment. Do not get closer to anyone than you already are. You might have to deal with your family becoming nasty brain eating ass kissing motherfuckers, so don't develop a crush unless you know they won't die. Like Daryl.

10) Don't get bitten.

I wish y'all luck in surviving and I am going to apologize in advance is I shoot any of you. :)