ink- diary of a single mother

Part 1

Diary of a single mother

My mother had 9 children. She loved and married one man, my father. Their love story was truly inspirational and all of us; her children thought we would follow in their footsteps. Get married and be in love.

At the age of 28 l met a guy. His name was Paul. He was the first guy to ever understand me for me and we dated. I lost my virginity to him and fell pregnant. After that l thought he would ask to have my hand in marriage but instead he just paid for damages. My family also expected me to marry him but we never knew his secret.

His uncles came and they did all the rights. I never got to meet his parents since he told me they were dead and l believed him. 19 September 2001 was the big day. I was in labor but Paul wasn't there. My aunt Siboe was next to me as l was in labor. My parents could not afford to come so they said they would come the day after.

After 5 hours of labor my aunt held my hand looking concerned. I still remember her words clearly; she said, "its okay, we all love you."

At that point l feared that my daughter might have passed away but there was an evil greater than that.

The day after my parents came and held their grandchild for the first time. Many congratulatory messages were passed and we were all happy but still no sign of Paul.

Nhla my sister remained behind to tell me what had happened to Paul. "He's married," she said as tears rolled down her face.

At first l laughed thinking she was joking but she held out her Nokia 3310n showing me texts she had with her friend Muzi who was also from Paul's village. I didn't want to believe her so l chased her out. She didn't want to leave so l called out for a nurse who helped me chase her out. The nurses at Mater Dei are really persuasive if you've ever met them.

I contemplated about it all day long and came to the realization that my sister was right. All the while my concern was about my baby. She would grow up without a father. She wouldn't experience what l experienced; all the love and interdependence of a whole family.

I was discharged from the hospital and went to my parent's house in Burnside where l stayed for 3 months. During my stay there l met up with Paul. I hated every bit of him but l still needed him to sign my child's birth certificate.

Before l had found out that he was married he had wanted to name the child Rose but l named her Rosa. A part of me still loved him.

"I will tell her you died," were the last words l said to him as l left the registry office. I expected him to chase after me and try stopping me but he never did it. I resented him for that.

I moved out to my own place in Hillside. I would occasionally leave Rosa to the neighbors as l went to work. I always got her everything she needed even though l couldn't afford it. It was worth the sacrifice as she was all l had.

As she grew older she kept on asking me for a younger sibling since she was lonely. I really did want her to have a younger sibling but l was personally scared. I was scared l could get HIV and AIDS since l had already come across a man with several sexual partners. I told Nhla about my concerns and she advised me to lie to Rosa and tell her l would be going on dates. So every Saturday night l would get one of the relatives to babysit her and l would go visit Tadiwa. Tadiwa was a male friend of mine. We had grown up together.

After a while my daughter came to me and said, "Don't do it anymore. I can tell it's hurting you."

At that time she was only 4, I had turned my baby into an adult!

I asked her what she meant and she said, "These man don't appreciate you NaRosa, you don't need to go on dates," she cried. I could tell she was emotionally hurt.