I don't know how long I've been in this room. Its more of a cell if anything. But with the time I have, I can ponder over it. For now I need to sleep. Well at least try to. It was too cold. Or too hot? I forgot the feeling of either to be honest. Or maybe it was the straight jacket. Last time I checked, I was as straight as a rainbow in which gay unicorns ride. I have a very strong imagination.
I stayed in the corner all the time. It was my safe spot. From the light I mean, it was my comfort zone, nobody can get to me there. I was protected from the outsiders who put me here. I was alone and afraid. But I couldn't feel the fear. The amazing feeling, the feeling that caused adrenaline to flow through your body, your veins, your blood. And I never got any of it. The only thing I feel is loneliness. That's the feeling nobody wants.
I didn't eat, I didn't sleep, I didn't feel, I couldn't live.
Breathing and flowing blood isn't life. It isn't living, its being alive but in a shell. You have to at least try. Try reaching out and breaking the shell, but every time I tried I get hurt. Beaten. Electrocuted. I'm happy to get hurt but depressed I couldn't feel it. Sorry if it doesn't make sense but that's me for you.
My track of thought weakened and broke when my cellar door creaked and opened. A woman entered, she seemed new here, I've never seen her before, she had a food tray in her hands. But what's the point? I don't eat anyway.
I shrunk back into my corner of safety, away from the nurse lady and into my protection aura. She laughed a little at my lack of socializing. "Nothing to be afraid of Levi, we're only trying to help you." She said softly. She slowly approached me as if I was a wild animal, once she was close enough she set the tray down and sat about a foot away from me. I flinched a little when she giggled.
"Would you feel better if I let you feed yourself? You have to talk to me sometime." She whispered. But I stayed quiet, admiring her strawberry blonde hair. I wanted to touch it. But I didn't dare dirty up my hands nor use my voice for something so useless and meaningless as talking. So I kept quiet.
She tried feeding me but I resisted every time. I just kept shrinking back every time. When she left, I relaxed and continued pondering.
~Next Day~
I wriggled my toes together as if they were wrestling each other. It was my favorite and only things to do. Right was winning with a tackle but I couldn't fight to the win when the nurse came back. She had a food tray in her hands same as yesterday...or last night...? I don't know how long its been.
She flashed a little smile and sat where she did last time. She was a little closer this time.
"My names Petra by the way, I forgot to introduce myself last time so...hello again!" She held out her manicured hand for me to shake but I didn't touch it. I shrunk in my corner as usual with my usual fearful expression.
Her visits came more and more frequently and I learned more and more about her each time. She seemed nice and all, but I couldn't let my guard down, not after what he did to me. He took advantage and got what he wanted and I never said anything since. Not when I was covered in his blood. Not in the police car. Not in court. And not now. I won't anytime soon either.
I was getting tinier each day, I ate just a little to stay alive but my body was eating more of itself instead.
One day, she pushed the limits, she crossed my circle. My barriors were shattered, I wasn't safe anymore, I was uncomfortable and shocked that anyone could get in. It was imaginary after all but why? Why would anyone want to cross my circle? Didn't she know it was mine?
I started panicking and flailing my legs, my arms were restrained so my last resort was my legs.
I kicked her stomache then her face, and I kept kicking, and kicking, and kicking. I didn't stop either. It was a while til I felt my legs tiring. She wasn't moving much anymore but she was breathing.
I started crying, I couldn't believe she broke it. I didn't want anyone near me, couldn't she tell?
It felt like forever before I decided to get out of here. Not because it was a nut house but because I was scared someone would break my walls again. And I couldn't have that.
So I dragged myself over to her crash kart and rubbed against the side of it. I was trying cut the jacket off, it took awhile due to the dullness of it, but it thinned and soon enough I was surprisingly able to rip the rest. I stood for the first time, in ages. I wobbled a bit and fell a couple of times. But I was able to balance after a bit of practice.
I pushed her kart down the hall. There was no one around at all, no patients, no doctors, nurses, or visitors. It was empty, maybe I was imagining things? I don't know anymore but I have to get out of here. So I jogged rather wobbly, to the main doors and busted through it. The sky was a grey color, and it was crying. ( rain ) and its tears hit my skin. It felt refreshing but I felt bad for enjoying the gloomy weather. I hadn't felt the outside world in ages so I couldn't help but smile and walk. Walk til my heart desired. I needed a place to stay, well for shelter at least, I somehow wandered to my old home. Abandoned but still in good shape. I opened the surprisingly unlocked door and entered slightly coughing at the dust.
I heard sniffles and soft murmurs coming from the back bedroom, it was only instinct to check right? So I did, and what I found was a boy. He looked around my age (17 I think?)
His eyes trailed to mine and he halted his tear fest. His eyes were glowing green neon but filled with sadness. I couldn't help but stare at his beauty but it was oh so enticing. So we kept gazes. I could start to feel my walls crumble and fall. But only a little.
~Eren~
He kept staring at me, he was probably pointing out my flaws? Or deciding on how to kick me out. Either way I'm used to. I couldn't take it anymore, I needed out of that 'home'. The one I ran away from. But I'll explain that later.
