i've already dived deep into denial.
_
"g-god why are you doing this to me?"
minji leans her body against the wall and slides down as her legs weaken. her breath hitches as she silently cries, with one hand tightly holding her stomach to prevent from making any noise.
she repeatedly beats her chest, as if she's stabbing it to get rid of these feelings. no matter how many times she scolded herself to not think about her. yet, the feelings never faded away.
even after so many years, she's still in denial of her love.
since minji found out she liked girls, she was nothing but scared and disappointed. she'd have a series of thoughts lingering in her head almost all the time. mostly when she fell in love with a girl.
she'd pray to god and ask him with tears in her swollen eyes, begging him to tell her why does she like women and not men.
please, please, please tell me why am i like this. it's just a phase right?
and that became her everyday prayer. asking god for answers.
everytime she felt butterflies in her stomach when she met a girl, fearing of the fact that she might fall in love with her overtakes her mind. it only ends up in denial, even if the girl she's in love with loves her back. not only does she hurt herself, she hurts the other girl. and that pains her to death.
"u-unnie? are you okay?"
"oh, yoohyeon-ah."
there stood the girl in shock over seeing minji crying. there also stood the girl minji's in love with.
"i was just watching this sad drama." minji blaffed.
yoohyeon didn't buy it. by the look of her swallon eyes and her shaking mouth, she looked more afraid than sad. she took a sit beside minji and pulled her into a hug. minji hid her face at the crook of yoohyeon, fearing she might cry.
she couldn't hold it any longer. the comfort she felt being in yoohyeon's embrace was too beautifully painful. yoohyeon said nothing but kept hugging minji as her clothes soon became stained with minji's tears.
"why was i born like this?" minji muffled through her sobbing. she closes her eyes to keep in the tears threatening to fall. even so, she gave up.
her whole body was shaking violently to the point it scared yoohyeon. she's never ever even seen minji shedding a single tear in front of her. this wasn't crying, this was all the times she's wanted to cry but hid it combined. it's a tzusami of emotions.
yoohyeon pulled minji away and cupped her chin with both of the hands. minji rested her chin on yoohyeon's hand. her tears slowly fell on yoohyeon's soft palms.
even with ruined eyes, a broken heart, painful scars, a hopeless desire to die, she still had her beautiful smile appeared on her face.
she chuckled through choked tears,
"love is fucking scary, but so fucking beautiful."
