Hermione

a rapist

Hermione had to deal with a lot of failure and pain in her life. Just as she thought she got rid of the biggest problem in her life, she married Jackson. My brother seemed to be very happy about that, they got along really well.

They got Married in April 1992. Jackson just turned two. He was a part of that wedding although I doubt that he remembers it. It was the first time my mother passed out drunk. Yes, you heard that right. She went a little too far with wine and ended her night with a few shots.

Her and Jackson agreed that they wanted another baby. Hermione was really excited about this. It was the first time she actually wanted to get pregnant. Well, she was in for a hard one. Quite literally.

In 1993, after multiple tries, she finally gets pregnant again. I read lots of very happy journal entries of that time. But her luck isn't going to last. A few months later, she loses the baby. They find out Jackson is unable to... I don't really know and I don't really want to explain but he couldn't produce healthy kids. Anyways, after another miscarriage in 1994, their relationship takes a turn.

What I can only thank Jackson for is how he stayed by Hermione's side. He didn't leave her. He didn't abuse her – he saved all of that anger up inside. He helped her through it to the best of his abilities. He was faithful.

He does notice Hermione's increasing consumption of alcohol. He doesn't care about it too much because she isn't breastfeeding Thomas and probably won't be breastfeeding anyone ever again. He just lets her do it her way. Like she seemed to always have let him handle things his way. They did go well together in that field.

Since Hermione continued drinking, she was put out of work a year later. the only thing she did was go to the small shop across the street to get bread and whiskey.

Now one day in 1995, my dad, Robert Myers seemed to have had a really bad day as well.

[Aug 1995] – age 22

I can't believe I'm saying this.

I can't believe he did this.

Robert.

MY ROB.

Jackson knows.

Thomas can't know.

Who am I going to tell?

It was a very devastating event for her, obviously. Reading this particular book was hard for me. Reading all her journals from this point onward is going to be hard for me. But, I'll make it through.

Let's start a few days after the incident. She didn't put dates on that but I remember Jackson telling the police it was around the 9th of August.

[Aug 1995] – age 22

I've known Robert for so long. He was such a sweet boy, such a nice person. He was never involved in any form of criminal activity. He paid so much attention to me and everything I did. He was charismatic and confident.

He called me "Mione", we spent so many nights together...

It started out with me returning from doing the groceries. He seemed to have waited for me and came up behind me. I remember him grabbing me. I told him to stop, said, he'd get in trouble if he continued. I knew, Jackson was coming back home anytime now.

He told me he needed this... me.

She did take her breaks writing this. I think she wrote it over the span of two weeks or something.

[Aug 1995] – age 22

I couldn't continue yesterday. Jackson came back from work and we sat on the couch, watched TV. He didn't let my hand go.

Robert pulled me into the house. Thomas was in the back yard, playing with his bow and arrow, while I was manoeuvred into the living room. He pulled my underwear off and started kissing me, roughly. I noticed I had left the TV on.

I asked him what he was going to do when he threw me down on the couch.

I begged him to stop but he didn't. He forced my legs open and raped me...

[Aug 17 / 1995] – age 22

I was so confused. What was happening? What was going to happen afterwards? Would Tommy come back inside and see us? Would Robert kill him?

During the act of the rape, I think she was in some kind of shock. The type of shock which dissociates you from reality. The "this can't be real, this isn't happening"-shock type.

[Aug 18 / 1995] – age 22

I felt so powerless. I still don't understand why the person I didn't want to touch me was doing the most intimate thing with my body.

After he was finished, he got up and walked over to the kitchen to have a glass of water. Casually. Like nothing happened.

My response to rape was anger. I screamed bloody murder at him, but he just told me he's sorry, but he needed me, he had a really bad day.

A few minutes later, Robert left. Hermione started crying, at least that's how Thomas found her. Half-naked, on the floor, crying. She put her jeans back on and tucked her son in, then sat in front of the door and drank Whiskey until Jackson managed to return from work.

She didn't sleep that night.

Robert tried to call her a few weeks later. she ignored every call. She wasn't afraid of him or particularly angry, she was just... she felt disgusting. It felt wrong to talk to him.

A few months later, she started feeling weird.

Jackson immediately knew what was going on. He knew she was pregnant again. He also knew it was too late to get an abortion if she was.

A few days later, a doctor confirmed his deepest, darkest fear. Hermione was going to get another kid, me. And despite them being together for years now, it wasn't going to be his, it was a rapists' kid.